I recently equated sex to La Tur cheese, the tangy, creamy wholly indulgent dairy product that always makes me throw my head back and moan.
A friend was watching me eat a bite of the stuff, slightly disgusted, and he made an apt point: "No, La Tur would be the kind of sex you have with candles and silk lingerie. And that's entirely different than lusty barroom bathroom sex."
Which led to a list, equating different types of foods to different types of sex.
If sex were food......fried cheese curds would be sex in a barroom bathroom: definitely dirty, definitely delicious, and you just can't stop yourself. ...a bad multi-course chef's tasting menu would be S & M: by course three, you need a safe word. ...a Vegas buffet would be an orgy: it sounded like a great idea, but as you peruse your choices, you suddenly wonder why you paid even $20 for this type of all-you-can-eat.
...chocolate with bacon would be a ménage a tois: two things you really should be enjoying, but when they're together, you can't concentrate enough on either.
...a pint of ice cream would be masturbation: by the time you're done scraping the bottom, your hand is all messy.
...the daily special would be oral sex: with some chefs, it's all you want. With others, you wish you'd just stuck to the regular menu....New York style cheesecake would be a hand job (NSFW Wikipedia article): not even the people who claim to do the world-famous version do it well.
...a late-night binge at a 24-hour drive-thru would be anal sex: you don't want anyone to know what you're doing, you wouldn't be there if you weren't drunk, and you're definitely going to walk funny for a week.