Cafe Society

The week in Cafe Society bloggery: pork slogans, lactating camels, sex toys, bratwurst, blood sausage and spoo

Maybe it's the ridiculous, intolerable heat that made this week so weird and wacky, and the Cafe Society trolls -- specifically "Recession" and "Poutiner" and all your other bogus aliases (we've got your IP address, schmuck) -- so moronic and volatile. Whatever the cause, the last five days of foodosphere shenanigans, dramatics and theatrics raised our eyebrows and made us gasp, snicker and sneer.

Welcome to our world.

The week began with a list of ten fake foods that might kill us if they were real -- things like slurm, butterbeer and spoo and tofu that tastes like human flesh, which should be enough to scare PETA into carnivorous purgatory. That was followed by a post about lactating camels from Arabia and how camel milk may soon be infiltrating your favorite cheese. What's next, oil?

Tuesday started off with a wrap-up of Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations episode, in which the garrulous Travel Channel nomad cruised through Denver, stopping to shove Biker Jim's bratwursts and Frank Bonanno's blood sausage down his gullet. And because it was a post that mentioned Frank Bonanno, the comment section went wild. We also went all porkerific on you people, doling out ten new pork-centric slogans that we think the National Pork Board should seriously consider when they adopt a new catchphrase.

On Wednesday, Chuck James, the executive chef of 1515 Restaurant discussed the food trip that's Miracle Fruit and his preoccupation with burgers and James Beard, whose house he'll soon be cooking in, in this week's Chef and Tell interview. James also admits to succumbing to a Taco Bell gordita on occasion. He and I ride the same guilt-ridden boat. But while James is gearing up to cook for the elitist grubniks in New York, Ed Novak, one of Denver's most recognizable restaurateurs, sold the Broker after 40 years of serving shrimp bowls. His excuse? Retirement. Hope he's on a beach somewhere with a piña colada and a sherbet-hued umbrella.

On Thursday, we gave you a sneak preview of Euclid Hall Kitchen & Bar propped by food porn, which brought out the beast in most of you. Man, I know photos are important, but to quote one of my colleagues, "I'm not fucking Ansel Adams." If any of you would like to drop an SLR camera on my front porch -- Canon or Nikon preferred -- I'll treat it better than my favorite sex toy, Speaking of which, we also presented you with the definitive if sex were food comparison guide for foodies and horn-dogs alike. Don't miss it.

And today, Friday funday, we titillated you with rainbows and mind-blowing beer,, Candwich lawsuit drama and news that Jim Cohen, the executive chef-owner of the Empire Restaurant and Lounge in Louisville is opening a new pizza joint in Boulder.

See you back here on Monday.