Mysteries of Sheehan's Desk: Day 15

A relatively new addition to my mountains of junk, these are official Mario Batali-style bright orange Crocs which I got (courtesy of Lori Midson) from the big Food & Wine whatsis up in Aspen this year. Though never worn by Mr. Batali himself, they are nonetheless the same kind of Crocs that he wears every single day while (allegedly) working hard in the kitchens of his several restaurants.

Guaranteed to get you viciously beaten by all the other cooks in any kitchen, these "bistro" Crocs manage to be both hideously ugly and completely non-functional both at the same time--offering no protection whatsoever from spilled cooking oil or heavy, dropped fish cases and marking you indelibly as a dumb-ass suck-up who watched far too much Food Network before strapping on the whites and finding honest kitchen work.