Cafe Society

Candy Girls: Chocolate Mix Skittles

Even though Chocolate Mix Skittles have been out for awhile, I haven't had the opportunity or inclination to give them a whirl. Why? Because chocolate Skittles seem wrong in the same way chocolate jelly beans seem wrong. What's good about chocolate and good about Skittles are two entirely different things, and merging the treats seems like a recipe for mediocrity. Why take the fruity tang away from Skittles while at the same time denying chocolate its creamy texture? But as is so often the case for us Candy Girls, when opportunity arises in the form of cheap candy at the Big Lots on Broadway, there's nothing to do but put on a brave face and meet the (disgusting) challenge.

First Reactions: The packaging purports to hold 5 flavors within--S'more, Vanilla, Chocolate Caramel, Chocolate Pudding, and Brownie Batter--though it took some detective work to find them all. In the end, I decided that despite looking almost identical, Chocolate Pudding is a slightly more purple shade of brown than Brownie Batter. The smell is all sugar and artificial chocolate. Like a chocolate scratch 'n' sniff sticker.

Taste: S'more: this is probably the best in the bunch because it uses a marshmallow flavor to its advantage. Marshmallows can, after all, lend themselves to a chewy texture. Still "best" is purely relative. It's all downhill from here, folks!

Vanilla: strangely, the Vanilla is less vanilla-y than the S'more. So not only is it an inherent failure by being vanilla-flavored in a bag of chocolate Skittles, it can't even do the easiest flavor of all right. Blech.

Chocolate Caramel: there's nothing remotely caramel about this one. Nothing. Not the smell, not the taste, nothing. Fail.

Chocolate Pudding: this one had promise, since even I would allow that chocolate pudding has a distinct flavor that can be captured well in a Jelly Belly or Pudding Pop. This almost delivers. It's the taste of chocolate pudding someone made while standing over the stove chain-smoking Marlboros. The cigarette aftertaste must be an acquired taste.

Brownie Mix: this one tastes exactly like a box of brownie mix. But just the box. Maybe the box after it's been splattered with some brownie batter, but that's being generous.

Conclusions: These are a terrible candy from conception to execution. Cloying at best, insipid at worst, we recommend that all fans of either Skittles or chocolate stay far far away from these.

Would we finish the bag? Not if we had to eat the contents. Maybe for use as projectiles.

Would we buy it again? Grody McGroditon. No.

Score: 0 out of 5