Cafe Society

Pot for tots: I can't believe it's not parsley butter!

An early nomination for mother of the year: Stevie Hickey.

The 22-year-old Pennsylvania woman, who has a one-month-old and a three-year-old, decided to spread some "parsley butter" -- kept in a tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" -- on toast as a treat for a couple of children she was caring for at her apartment.The mother of a twelve-year-old girl who got the marijuana-sodden snack called the cops on Hickey, who told them she found the recipe on the Internet.

Hickey's two children were removed from her home; she's currently facing misdemeanor child endangerment and drug charges. She has not been charged with "chronic" stupidity, although that would seem appropriate. Because everyone knows that kids would rather eat cookies than toast.

Three more tot-pleasing pot recipes:

Crippling Chip Cookies. These magically delicious morsels melt in your mouth -- and then your mind starts melting.

Buzznana Bread. Pot-laced margarine is mixed in with bananas to make one buzzy bread. If only Mom had made this when I was in high school, I would have had an excuse for the bad grades.

Rice Creeper Treats. I now know why Snap, Crackle and Pop, those Rice Krispie elves, were so damn happy. Damn.

Pot Butter. For the above treats, you need a good base to start with. This recipe will fill the bill -- as well as the room's aroma. Stevie Hickey swears by it.

If anyone wants to meet me in the kitchen for a test run, I'll be there at the appointed time of 4:20. Spread the word.

Follow @CafeWestword on Twitter