See also: - The 10 best BDSM movies (Images are NSFW) - Kink of the Jungle: A field guide to Denver's wild life
5. Strip Search (2004) If you've ever had a fantasy -- or more than one -- about being strip-searched by the authorities, then this made-for-HBO film is a crucial watch. The movie is meant to be a commentary on overzealous security measures post 9/11, and it stars Ken Leung, Bruno Lastra, Glenn Close and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Gyllenhaal is best-known for her smoking hawt performance as the submissive secretary in 2002's Secretary, and if I were in charge of the "Best Pubic Hair Ever" awards, she would get a shiny golden statuette for showing off her dark, perfectly groomed landing strip in this movie. The gritty realism of the two main characters being forcibly strip-searched is definite wank-fodder of the highest degree. (And I won't be a total spoiler here, but cavity searches are involved.) 4. Mercy (2000) I'm sure I'm not the only one who really, really enjoys watching Ellen Barkin being slutty. She's old enough to be my grandma, but I'd still rock her like a hurricane. This 2000 crime thriller has Barkin as a detective tracking a serial killer when she stumbles across a secret ladies' BDSM club -- so much for the sewing circle -- and kinky, bi-curious hijinks ensue. Again, no major spoilers, but this movie contains everything you'd want: murder, sex, bondage, nudity, a predictable plot and terrible acting. Also more nudity and bondage. 3. Exit to Eden (1994) People don't usually expect BDSM and comedy in the same movie, but when you start taking kink so seriously that you can't have a few healthy laughs here and there, it's time to throw in the whips and chains. This Ann Rice novel-based movie doesn't follow the book by a long shot, but it does feature the delectably delicious Dana Delaney as "Mistress Lisa," in full dominatrix gear, having a go at the sexually repressed male lead. This movie does have plenty of scantily-clad domination-submission action, and as long as you can ignore the seriously super-stupid international jewel theft plot, this film is very watchable. 2. The Halfway House (2004) Girls are randomly vanishing from the Mary Magdalen Halfway House for Troubled Girls, so Larissa Morgan has to go undercover inside this Catholic-run halfway house to find her missing sister. This sounds exactly like the start of a paper-thin plot of a porno -- but in the process she finds a warped priest with a penchant for punishments, a shady nun sidekick, naked women, lesbian sex and lot and lots of gore. Sex and Catholic imagery go together like loaves and fishes, and since you'd be hard-pressed to find any red-blooded male or female who doesn't have a Catholic schoolgirl fetish, this is one of those films that will keep the spank-bank stocked with fresh deposits.And the winner is...
1. Caligula (1979) This film is a cult classic, and it's a kinky masterpiece of everything that was awesome (and disgusting) about the perverted excesses of the Roman Empire. Caligula is 50 percent history lesson and 50 percent sweaty 1970s pornography, and it stars some big names including Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren and Peter O'Toole. The premise is an elaborate biopic on Emperor Caligula (37-41 AD), and the movie does a fantastic job of capturing him as a wack-a-nut who slept with his sister, had an inappropriate relationship with his horse and spread his particular brand of violence, gore and sexual perversity on Rome as though he were spreading so much schmear on a bagel.And this film doesn't screw around with the screwing. The film depicts Roman orgies with full-on dangly bits and master/slave dynamics -- and I won't go complete spoiler on you here, but there is a bucket of lard and a fist, and they don't spare the deets. I actually ran across this movie by accident while I was looking for I, Claudius for a college project, and it definitely shows you a side of the Roman Empire that is not found in any history textbooks I've ever read.
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