Tease the season: DIY pasties at Smitten Kitten

Any day now winter will settle and the city will be awash in snowmen (and women.) Mostly naked but for innuendo-laden lumps of coal, carrots, and maybe some boots, are these snowfolk baring too much? Unless we act, my friends, we're complicit in this appalling state. Prepare for the coming frozen indecency with a Supreme Court-sanctioned solution to undesirable levels of nudity: holiday-themed, naughty-bits-hiding pasties. The camouflage of handmade tinselled tassels will surely keep your mind on the best parts of Christmas.

Since nothing steels resolve to glue things to your nipples like comparing hot glue burns with someone you just met, the Xmas Pastie Making Party tomorrow, from 4-6 p.m. at Smitten Kitten, 70 Broadway is open to anyone 18+. Anxious about coming alone? Denver's so thick with burlesque dancers that surely you must know at least one who likes to spruce up her costume stash. Free decorating supplies, instructions, and the double-sided tape you need to put pasties into action will be provided; BYO baubles and boobs to incorporate.

Allycks Would (Smitten Kitten's crew rolls with pseudonyms for privacy) instigates these "crafternoon" sessions, using feathers, googly eyes, sequins and perky nips to balance out the 'more serious' workshops on offer. (You know, the ones about butt plugs and blowjobs and bondage.) "At the Halloween pastie workshop, people really went crazy with the designs," Would says. "There were even poison apple pasties to go with a Snow White costume. Getting silly with sexy crafts is a way to crack open the door of expressing what really turns you on."

Swing serious, and top off those tatas with satin and lace, or figure out what gaudy combo of holly, glitter, and pompoms will get your partner to giggle their pants off. In either case, it's the boobies that count.