Breeality Bites

How to survive Super Bowl XLVIII if you hate the Broncos or don't care about football

I've kept my mouth shut on the topic of professional sports for most of my time as a writer. I don't even talk about how much I despise the majority of the culture that comes with it on Facebook (I save those complaints for Twitter). But I know I can't be the only one who suffers in silence this time of year. Denver is especially bad this January; I have seen the most unsuspecting of my friends become Broncos-outfitted zombies. My neighborhood -- which is basically a parking lot for Mile High Stadium at Sports Authority Field anyway -- becomes an idiot zone, as people drive up and down the street honking and screaming like lunatics. And don't even get me started on that bogus "nonprofit," the NFL. I work part-time for a nonprofit. The NFL being considered a nonprofit offends me.

Though I cannot escape the tide of putrid orange and blue that has temporarily washed away the IQs of my fellow citizens, I've come up with a list of ways to survive Super Bowl XLVIII -- even though you won't be able to fully escape its taint unless you leave the planet until February 3.

See also: Five things transplants should know about Colorado weather