Deal of a lifetime: Discounted umbilical cord storage

Plum Deals, a Groupon-esque daily deals site targeted at moms, is offering something really special. It's something that is worth a lifetime of love, memories and hope. No, it's not a picture frame made by the hands of children in the Third World to celebrate the very special bond between upper-middle class folk and their kids. It's discounted umbilical cord storage.

For the low price of $1,300, you can now get a box to put your baby's umbilical blood and tissues into after you, or a loved one, gives birth. This service normally costs $2,890 for the package, including a $150 sign-up deposit, and the deal includes shipping of the box to a facility in Indianapolis for storage, of course. Because that's just what you do with umbilical cords, store them. You'll also get free shipping of the box to you, as well as processing and storage of the material for a year. Each additional year of storage costs $125, though discounts are available if you prepay for five, ten, twenty or 25 years at a time. Discounts are also available if you have twins, triplets, are a healthcare provider, are in the military or are a student. Student discounts don't stop at the movie theater.

Now, why would you want to put umbilical cord in a bag and mail it to Indiana, you ask? Umbilical cords are rich in stem cells which can be used in the treatment of an impressive list of diseases including many kinds of Leukemia, Sickle Cell Anemia and even Osteopetrosis, according to FamilyCord, the California-based Cyrobank in charge of the program. Yes, by forking down over a thousand dollars to put bloody material into a bag, you could aid your child's future chances at survival if it gets something from a list of 80 diseases, which 1 in 217 people get in their lifetime. The math says that's less than half of a percent of people.

I can just see it. Society mothers can now prove their love for their children. "Sure, I leave you alone on most nights because I have to claw my way up the social ladder," they'll say, "But I love you. I pay $125 a year to store your umbilical cord. Do those families with their movie nights do that, ungrateful child?"

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