Entertaining as TLC's new The Osbournes-style miniseries on the shenanigans of the Palin family in Alaska looks, we feel she could shoot higher/stoop lower. Although before we tell you which TV shows we'd rather see the Mama Grizzly in, it's worth watching that trailer. Fireworks! Bear Tackling! "This was flippin' fun!" And the coup de gras: "I'd rather be doing this than stuck in some stuffy old political office." Works for us, Sarah.
5. Man vs. Wild You want to be "out here bein' free"? You got it. It takes a maverick to filter their own pee for drinking water, and we think Sarah's got what it takes. Besides, what better way to show America that you're capable of employing force when necessary than by killing a caribou with your bare hands? Possible subtitle: Bear and Mama Griz take on the Tundra.
4. Celebrity Jeopardy We know what you're thinking: She'd be terrible at Jeopardy. Her charity would lose money somehow. And yet, if we were to tailor the categories for her, stuff like "ATV Operation" or "Quitting Your Job," it could be a nail-biter right up to Final Jeopardy! Then you could ask her to name a magazine or newspaper, any magazine or newspaper, and just have Will Ferrel come out in a Trebek suit and shake his head while she trips all over herself trying to come up with something.
3. Dancing With The Stars Oh wait, that's already pretty much happening.
2. The Real World Tea Party edition! It's not like Christine O'Donnell, Joe Miller, Sharron Angle, or Carl Paladin are doing anything else right now. You could even get a couple locals on there: Tom Tancredo and Ken Buck. Throw in Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin and you've got a whole houseful of crazy. Seriously, tell us you wouldn't watch that.
1.MADE What would Sarah Palin want to be MADE into? A credible politician, of course! You could have a high-school teacher be her coach, have her go through a civics class and join the debate team. Think of the montage as she tries to memorize the state capitols and the crying/brink-of-giving-up scene when she can't do it. And then, at the very end of the episode, they could kick her off the show because the first, most obvious, most important way she could increase her political credibility is NOT APPEARING ON A FREAKING REALITY TV SHOW!