What week is it? A breakdown of everything you could be celebrating, November 1-7

Halloween is over. The zombie crawls have been crawled, the monster-mash dance parties mashed, the slutty nurse costume put away so you can go back to your boring day-job as a "slutty accounts receivable processor," leaving you with only the sweet memories and a large pile of candy stolen from babies. Luckily, the fun's not over. Because there's always a reason to party, and to that end, we've got you covered yet again this week with a breakdown of the more obscure you can celebrate with excessive drinking and -- why not -- maybe even that slutty nurse costume.

Much like Halloween, El Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), which happens officially tomorrow, features dead people and lots of skull imagery -- but El Día is not just the Mexican version of Halloween celebrated two days later. In fact, it's arguable that Day of the Dead is actually more important that Halloween, since it means something besides slutty costumes and eating a lot of candy; specifically, Day of the Dead is the traditional Mexican day of ancestral remembrance, an acknowledgment and even celebration of death as a fact of life, often commemorated by building ofrendas, or altars, dedicated to those who came before. On the other hand, this is America, and we don't like to take things too seriously -- that's why we propose a Day of the Dead drinking game, where you get out the old family tree and drink to every dead relative you can find.

Speaking of indigenous traditions, today also marks the beginning of American Indian Heritage Week, where we remember what our great nation was like before white people came along and improved it with the ceremonial "decimation of natural resources" and epidemic outbreaks of non-native diseases. Way to go, Europe! On second thought, that's pretty depressing.

Luckily, today is also National Authors Day, where we celebrate the great writers upon whose awesome feats of strength our entire prosperity was built -- like, ahem, did anyone notice that we're writing write now? It's pretty much the best holiday of the year, and it's a damn shame it's not more often observed in the traditional fashion of showering writers with gifts and liquor. Anyway, we'll just be over here whenever you're ready...