Kenny Be's Yard Arteology: Those hot summer knights

The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...

Figure 28. Northeast Park Hill: Announcing ye olde armorous intentions

There is nothing quite as American as the admiration of England during the reign of Queen Elizabeth I. It is a celebration based less on historical accuracy and revered more as a socially acceptable forum to ogle buxom wenches, throw axes, eat turkey legs and make bestiality jokes while juggling. Most Americans satisfy their emulation for factual farce at the numerous commercial Renaissance Fayres and Feystivals that are staged annually throughout the nation. There are a few Yanks however, who keep the medieval magic flowing all year long with the display of Renaissance-themed yard art. The most popular of which is the knight in sheet metal armor.

The armorous effigy pictured in figure 28 is made from a combination of old and new scrap metal. It is topped with a crest made from the remnants of metal window awnings and heretofore verily proclaims of its maker, "I am a graduate of the Emily Griffith Opportunity School welding program!" The articulation in the stove-pipe spaulders shows a rudimentary understanding of the working fundamentals of body armor and implies a desire to consort with milords, miladies, jesters, belly dancers and wizards. The hammered divots in the fauld (beneath the breastplate) suggests that the yard artist enjoys pastimes that offer a whiff of the occult, a flash of danger, beer and jiggly bosoms spilling over tightly laced bodices. That this sculpture is one of a pair, and that both of the knights are guarding the entrances to the home, indicates the longing for a time long ago when chivalrous gentlemen would protect the defenseless and fight for the general welfare of all.