Carmelo Anthony: "Bernie Madoff" says Melo was his boyfriend, seeks restraining order

Oh, what a bizarre document the folks at Westword sister paper the Dallas Observer stumbled upon today. It's a handwritten request for a preliminary restraining order against Carmelo Anthony -- plus Dwyane Wade, Mark Cuban, Jerry Reinsdorf and Jerry Buss -- from Jonathan Lee Riches, who also goes by the names "Bernard Madoff," "Bernie Madoff" and "Faisal Shuhzad." Why? For one thing, Riches claims, "Carmelo Anthony told me he is going to kill me."

Keep going. You're going to want to see this...

Riches, whose proclivity for filing suits has earned him his own Wikipedia page, has been down twisted legal roads like this one before. Take a 2008 Observer post about a filing that named Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and receiver Terrell Owens.

An excerpt: "Jones told Owens that when Dallas plays Philadelphia Jones will arrange for Roy Williams to tackle Owens from behind to knock him out of the game then Owens can blame Philadelphia for medical malpractice which would force Owens off the roster."

Then again, that's sane in comparison to his assertions about Melo, contained in a missive filed last week in U.S. District Court in Denver.

"I'm writing a tell-all book on Anthony," Riches writes. "I was his former boyfriend and we were in a serious relationship in 2000. We met at a Baltimore YMCA. I committed identity theft to finance his basketball career. I used stolen credit cards to get him GNC vitamins and Enemas to flush out his toxins."

There's more -- oh so much more. Scan through it below:

Best Lawsuit Ever