Schmuck of the Week

Suzette Hall, grandma and alleged topless barber, gets busted, but who's the schmuck?

Suzette Hall didn't identify as a grandma when she allegedly advertised as a topless barber. But we'd like to think her pitch was, "If you let me take something off the top, I'll take off my top, too."

Whatever the case, Hall was recently busted by the Longmont PD for reasons that had nothing to do with her bust, or accusations that she was having paid sex with customers, either -- and one defender says she's the victim of a set-up by her ex-husband. All of which raises the question: Who's the real schmuck here?

The original story about Hall appeared in the Longmont Times-Call, but given the subject matter, the tale quickly spread to publications such as the Daily Mail, which supplemented Hall's mug shot, on view below, with pics from her now-deleted Facebook page, including this one....

...and this one.... ....and this one: Still, the grabbiest image was one from August that reportedly included the following explanation: "Soooo frckn hot today...decided to wear nothing but flowers to work today...P.S. Never wear thorny roses." No, the Longmont cops didn't investigate Hall for indecent exposure. Rather, notes the Times-Call, she was targeted over a report that she'd bounced checks intended to pay for chair rental at a downtown Longmont salon.

When a detective looked up Hall's record, he found among her nine felony convictions, for crimes such as theft, and assorted misdemeanor offenses a 2008 case in which she'd been accused of practicing cosmetology without a license -- something she's said to currently lack as well.

This last matter became increasingly important as other parts of the investigation fell apart. For instance, check fraud went out the window because she never signed the checks in question, and potential issues related to her supposed topless barbering service proved impossible to pursue because the cops could never find the Craigslist ads she's said to have placed. And thus far, her former partner's claims that Hall solicited and was paid for sex with customers remain unsubstantiated, despite her accuser's account of finding used condoms in the trash.

In the end, the only charge against Hall that stuck was the unlicensed cosmetology beef. Meanwhile, one of Hall's defenders claimed on the now-offline Facebook page that she was being smeared with lies by the aforementioned partner, who reportedly objected to sexually charged trims, as well as her former husband.

His post reads in part, "To her friends and family.... I'm going to clear her name and all this slander." As for "the haters out there," he wrote, "Fuck you....stay tuned, folks, I'm gonna bust this shit wide open.... Don't fuck with an American soldier."

If you do, does that make you a schmuck, too?

Here's Hall's booking photo.

More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Frank Ruybalid: Is there anything worse than a schmucky DA?"