Bill Riley is suburban superhero Thornton Dust Devil: Kenny Be's Hip Tip

Thornton Dust Devil Real name: Bill Riley; Occupation: Bike peddler; Suburb of operation: Thornton; Hair: The Alec Baldwin; Vision: Futuristic

Suburban superhero skills: While Thornton Dust Devil may appear to possess normal strength for a man of his age, height and build, he possesses the superhuman ability to get people who live north of Interstate 70 out of their cars and onto bicycles...

As the owner of the Derby Bicycle Center, Thornton Dust Devil's body has mutated in a variety of ways to adapt to the stresses of providing superhuman customer service. His endurance and multi-tasking systems are many times more efficient than a normal human being's. He comprehends somewhere over 94 percent of the information that he hears (normal Thorntonites comprehend about 22 percent).

Thornton Dust Devil's acute perception is further enhanced by his excellent laser-module body-scan abilities that help match each customer to the perfect bike, whether it is a BMX, cruiser or Tour de France-ready racer. Additionally, he is able to increase a rider's pedal power by 20 to 30 percent through the use of his CompuTrainer bike experience.

While Thornton Dust Devil is superbly skilled at getting asses out of car seats and onto bike saddles, his real heroism comes from how this experience changes the suburban brain. Fitted correctly, his north suburban customers have been inspired to bike to work and even demand better bike access through the auto-dominant streets of Thornton.

The retinal structure of his eyes are also more electrically charged than normal, enabling him to see that bikes are the perfect transportation and recreational vehicles for Thorntonites of the future.