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Five Reasons Why Halloween Won't Be the Cannapocalypse for Trick-or-Treaters

Every single person who's been spreading the rumor that because recreational cannabis is now legal in some places, trick-or-treating kids will suddenly be loaded with THC-infused edibles needs to sit down, shut up, quit scaring the fuck out of everyone, and just do what they would normally do on Halloween. Carve some pumpkins, bake those cheap Pillsbury sugar cookies, buy a few bags of Hershey's minis to give out, Netflix a Tim Burton movie made prior to 1994 -- and ignore the constant stream of fake news about imaginary villains getting your tots baked. Because it's not going to happen.

Here are five reasons why Halloween won't be the cannapocalypse for trick-or-treating children. Trust me: The only thing that the shorties will be getting wasted on this year is sugar. You know, like every other year.

See also: Marijuana: Denver Police Address Worries That Pot Edibles Will Be Given to Kids on Halloween