Dear Stoner: What's the Weirdest Way to Indulge?

Dear Stoner: What’s the weirdest way to consume cannabis?
Joe Blow

Dear Joe: The human body has a few orifices, but not all of them are meant to be an entry point for marijuana consumption. Snorting kief like cocaine won’t do anything but make you feel like an idiot and possibly give you a nosebleed, so don’t just shove pot anywhere and hope for the best. Obviously, inhaling and ingesting are the two most traditional ways to indulge, but there are other off-the-beaten-path methods. Most of these are done in the name of medicine, however, and not just as bizarre attempts at getting high.

Pot suppositories fit both the weird and the effective criteria. Yes, that’s right: Shoving extracted marijuana up your butt is a growing practice that’s taken very seriously in the medical marijuana world.

Quicker compound absorption through your lower intestinal wall moves cannabinoids into the bloodstream faster, meaning quicker medicinal effects than with edibles (suppositories take about fifteen minutes to kick in, while traditional edibles can take over an hour). And unlike smoking or vaping, which can wear off quickly depending on your tolerance, pot suppositories can last up to eight hours, without the psychoactive head high. Cancer patients going through chemotherapy may use suppositories instead of edibles because of the severe nausea associated with their treatment, and patients too old or (legally) young to smoke can use them for serious pain relief. In fact, according to the United Patients Group, inhalation or oral ingestion of cannabis results in no more than 25 percent absorption efficiency, while rectal insertion results in 50 to 70 percent. But don’t go spreading your cheeks anytime you pull a muscle: Cannabis suppositories are hard to find and reserved for those with extreme pain.

Tinctures and liquor are a fun way to get lifted if you’re bored of smoking. Usually made by extracting cannabinoids with alcohol or vegetable oils, tinctures are liquid concentrations that you drop under your tongue; they get in the bloodstream fast and provide a quick, discreet (albeit short) high. You can also make your own pot-infused alcohol shots if you’re patient enough. Pour a high-proof grain alcohol, preferably Everclear, into a jar and add a quarter-ounce of finely ground herb for every 25 ounces of alcohol. Leave the jar in a dark, cool place, and shake it like a Polaroid picture every day for four days. Then put the sealed jar in simmering water for about thirty minutes. After the heat has infused the alcohol with the cannabinoids, strain out the leaf matter and enjoy.

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