Denver Police Department's Most Recent Stupid Criminal Stories

The Denver Police Department loves stupid criminal stories, and so do we.

That explains why we've featured the DPD's tales of moronic ne'er-do-wells on two previous occasions — our original post in January and a sequel in June.

The latest posts, as shared on the department's Facebook page, include stories about a car crash that led to an unwanted haircut, hungry burglars, the world's most inept laptop thief, a zombie who probably wound up wishing he was dead and a scofflaw trapped inside the very truck he tried to rob.

Enjoy the photo-illustrated stupidity below.


Early Saturday morning, July 25, 2015, Denver Police District 1 Officer Gibbs reported that a vehicle failed to yield when he attempted to pull it over in the 4300 block of N. Federal Boulevard for a minor traffic infraction. Just seconds later, the suspect vehicle lost control , struck a tree, rolled over and landed on its roof. The officer saw the suspect driver trying to get out, but she could not. The Denver Fire Department arrived on scene and removed the suspect driver by cutting her hair, which was trapped underneath the vehicle. The suspect driver was extracted and found to be a habitual traffic offender. The suspect was also found in possession of suspected cocaine, suspected heroin, suspected methamphetamine and other controlled substances. The suspect driver, 29 year-old Jessica Bovee was arrested and charged for possession of a controlled substance.


Friday, September 4, 2015, Denver Police District 1 officers responded to a report of a burglary in the 2100 block of Lowell Boulevard. The suspect entered through a screen door of the residence. While inside, the suspect opened several food containers, made tea and drank out of a personal size container of juice. He then turned on the TV and was watching cartoons when the victim returned home. When the suspect saw the victim he fled out the back door. Then on Tuesday, Denver Police District 2 officers responded to two residential burglaries. One came in the 3700 block of Humboldt Street. The victim explained that a witness saw two suspects running from the home. When the victim arrived on scene, he found his door was unlocked and that two “Hot Pockets” were missing from his kitchen. The other incident came from the 1400 block of Quebec Street. Officers’ investigation revealed that unknown suspects pried off a screen on an unlocked window and entered the victim’s home. The suspect(s) opened drawers, drank half a soda from the refrigerator and left the can on the counter.