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Scratch and Dent Sale: My WOIC.

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I just heard that flossing your teeth reduces your risk of heart disease.

Think about that.

Holy shit. FLOSSING YOUR TEETH REDUCES YOUR RISK OF HEART DISEASE.

When did this happen? It kind of sounded like a joke to me... but I looked it up. It's true.

I'm not writing about this to raise awareness... (Although, now you know!) I'm writing about this because it's the first data point on my newly-minted WHEEL OF INEXPLICABLE CONNECTIONS. I just made that up, but I think I might start using it... the WOIC.

IF flossing your teeth can lower your risk of heart heart disease, THEN what else is possible? I'll tell you what. The possibilities are endless...

What if schtooping reduces your risk of being hit by a train?

What if picking your nose increases your accuracy at skeet shooting?

What if chewing gum makes you walk straighter?

What if firing your drummer makes you a better singer?

What if masturbating makes you smarter? (Score!)

What if hopping on your left foot inoculates you against lung cancer?

What if masturbating makes you smarter? (Did I already say that?)

Look... you get my point. I'm just saying that it's a crazy, whacky world. And we don't know what we don't know. And there's a whole lot we don't know... a lot more than what we know we don't know. You know?

For all we know, wearing thong underwear prevents STDs...

Yeah. Prolly not.

-- John Common

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.

 

Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.