10. Lady Gaga - Monster In January of this year, rumors started to spread that Gaga's highly anticipated new fragrance is set to be released in 2012. And we were all waiting with bated breath to find out just what this amazing scent would smell like. Flowers and angels? No, blood and semen. Seriously. Gaga quickly amended her original statement by saying that the scent was not really blood and semen, but was meant to smell like a hooker. Yeah, that's better. Hookers already smell like blood and semen.
9. Justin Beiber - Someday Our only question is: Who in the hell told this creepy, pre-pubescent teen that he knows what a woman should smell like? Not only does he have no effin' idea what a woman wants, the commercial just skeeves us out. Is this line supposed to be directed at teens or MILF's? We can't decide. This seems like a marketing problem.
8. Mary J. Blige - My Life and My Life Blossom We'd like to give a special shout-out to HSN for appealing to lame-os all around the world and making them smell like an R&B powerhouse. And is it just us or does Mary J. look insanely uncomfortable in this video? We had no idea that lovers of this queen would be chillaxin at 3 a.m. on a Saturday morning in front of their televisions just waiting for the next "daily special," but hey, we're more QVC people anyway.
7. 50 Cent - Power We guess it makes sense: If you're all scarred up because you've been shot a billion times, you'd at least want to smell delicious. We don't know what "street savvy and limitless power" smells like, but we're super excited that we can now find out while were grinding in "da club."
6. Mariah Carey - Forever Mariah has released over nine fragrances, most in collaboration with Elizabeth Arden. The names include: M, Lollipop, Bling, Honey, and Luscious Pink Glitter I Have To Finance My Unsuccessful Husband and Babies. Okay, we're making up the last one, but seriously, why not? Let's be real, Mariah.
5. Jay Z and Beyonce - Heat and 9IX
These two can do no wrong. To us, it seems like people may think that if they spritz themselves with this power-duo's flava, they too will be beautiful and successful. We hate to break it to you, kids, but that's not how it works. And if you think it is...you're also probably the guy that thinks strippers like you and the kind of woman that believes he was serious when he said you were "special." This power couple should team up to produce a new scent in honor of their new baby: call it Jelly. Or 99 Problems and a Spoiled Brat's One.
4. J.Lo - Glow, Live, Still, Deseo
With J.Lo's recent break-up with her gnome-like hubby, Marc Anthony, we understand that she will now need to supplement his non-existent income by pimping her fragrance line. It just seems like a bit of overkill; aren't the TV shows, albums, clothing line and shoes enough? We see where she gets it though. She's like the annoying guy selling everything from fish to earrings from his trunk. It stinks, but we're intrigued.
3. Katy Perry - Purr One of the sexiest, big-eyed women in the universe is in a rubber cat suit. We don't even need a commercial. Sold.
2. Britney Spears - Curious, Fantasy, Midnight Fantasy, Circus Fantasy and Radiance Mama has to take care of her babies and her fifty-year-old freeloading boyfriend. We're big fans of Brit Brit, and we want her to succeed (hopefully with shot of crazy), but please stop subjecting us to your horrible perfume commercials.
1. Rihanna - Reb'l Fleur We don't know what it smells like. We don't really like the bottle. We think Rihanna is a little absurd, but something about this lame video makes us want to get a little gun tat on our rib, tie up a fella, grab a whip, and buy this perfume. It's sad and true. We hate ourselves.