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We're speechless: A look at the year's most unintentionally funny lyrics.

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"We can float on top my waterbed /You close your eyes as I improv between your legs" --- Jeremih, "Birthday Sex"

What is this, Second City? The Groundlings? Where, exactly, can one take a class in this particular brand of improv?

Let's have some fun/This beat is sick/I want to take a ride on your disco stick" -- Lady Gaga, "LoveGame"

The literal roots of "disco stick" remain something of a mystery. Is it something like a glow stick? A pogo stick? As far as sexual metaphors aimed at appealing to very young children, however, it somehow bests Lil Wayne's "Lollipop," 50 Cent's "Amusement Park" and Lil Kim's "Magic Stick." Bravo, Gaga!

"Now watch me make a movie like Albert Hitchcock" -- Pitbull, "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)"

Though imdb has plenty of information on another, similarly named director, it doesn't have much on this Albert Hitchcock guy, so one wonders what kind of films he makes. Perhaps ones involving randy Miami rappers doing a whole lot of poorly researched name-dropping?

"It's so crazy/She's like Baby/ I'm like Swayze" -- New Kids on the Block, "Dirty Dancing"

You'd think that the last thing the somewhat-revitalized New Kids on the Block would want to do is remind people that it's not 1987 anymore. Perhaps, however, we shouldn't think of "Dirty Dancing" as an early-2009, anachronistic attempt by a bunch of forty-year-olds to stay relevant to teens. We should just think of it as a prophetic tribute to Patrick Swayze, sadly a ghost before his time.

"I learned from life's lessons /If you keep on pressin'/ You'll eventually end up on top /Like salad dressing" -- Paul Wall, "Got to Get It"

Salad dressing starts off on top, yes, but then usually pools at the bottom in a creamy white puddle of derivative lyrics and preposterous similes. Wait, what are we talking about?

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Ben Westhoff
Contact: Ben Westhoff