Politics

Delegating Denver #49 of 56: Utah

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RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE UTAH DELEGATION

Most Utahn Denver Neighborhood: Marston

Most Utahn Bar: Scarlet Ranch 424 Broadway This swinger's club provides Utahns with a convenient downtown location to service multiple partners without fear of breaking polygamy laws.

Most Utahn Restaurant: Avenue Grill 630 East 17th Avenue The food here is like a Utahn: instantly recognizable, yet surprisingly fresh — and twice as interesting after a classic house martini.

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Best Day Trip: Bishop's Castle in Rye, Colorado

Joseph Smith, the founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was called an epileptic, a fraud, a drunkard and a thief. His tall tale of the angel Moroni delivering the prophesies on golden tablets (that were jealously guarded by the giant salamander) won over as many faithful as it did foes. Mormons were chased from New York to Ohio before running off to invent Utah in 1847, three years after Joseph was assassinated in Nauvoo, Illinois. Statehood wasn't granted until 1896, and then only under the condition that the Mormon practice of polygamy be forever outlawed. Since their entire state history is a non-stop story of social outcasts creating their own Utopia, Utahns will be the most thrilled of all the 2008 Democratic Convention delegates to meet Colorado's resident outsider, Jim Bishop, who will no doubt be busy at work building his castle near the southern Colorado town of Rye. To get there from the delegate hotel, ask the Warwick concierge for directions onto I-25 southbound. Drive south for 138 miles, and at exit 74, turn right on Colorado 165 and drive 24 miles (look for the signs!) to Bishop's Castle. The project started out as a cabin for Bishop’s wife and now stands over 160 feet tall, with a grand ballroom, a spinning ornamental iron dome, stained-glass windows and a fire-breathing dragon made out of a hospital steam table and a hot-air balloon burner. Like all visionaries, Bishop works without blueprints and claims that his every inexplicable move is being directed by GOD, who also presumably directs Jim to hand-paint and hang wordy screeds detailing the U.S. government's abuse of power over "We the SHEEPLE." It's a fitting display of passion that fascinates as many as it frightens. The entire experience is a mind-boggling mix of personal freedom and religious obedience that only a Utahn could comprehend. -- Kenny Be

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Cory Casciato is a Denver-based writer with a passion for the geeky, from old science fiction movies to brand-new video games.
Contact: Cory Casciato