Schmuck of the Week

Dustin Guinn steals, crashes police car -- but saves family from disaster

Dustin Guinn may be our latest Schmuck of the Week nominee. But looked at a certain way, he saved a Colorado Springs couple from disaster, albeit by crashing a police car into their fence.

And by disaster, we mean the movie Waterworld.

See also: Marquise Bridgewater on the run after allegedly trying to steal a $400K house

What's a 1995 Kevin Costner bomb have to do with Guinn's arrest? Allow us to explain.

On the evening of Tuesday, July 22, according to the Colorado Springs Police Department, officers were looking into a reported car break-in when they happened upon the 21-year-old Guinn, who struck them as suspicious. So they ran his records and discovered he was named in a felony and misdemeanor warrant for his arrest.

At that point, the cops took Guinn into custody, handcuffed him behind his back and belted him into the backseat of their cruiser while they continued their investigation. The Colorado Springs Gazette notes that they left the car running, presumably because it was such a hot day and they wanted to leave the air conditioner on for Guinn.

This kind gesture didn't work out too well. The CSPD confirms that Guinn was able to get out out of the handcuffs, open a window in the barrier between the front and back seats, slide behind the wheel and take off.

What followed was an approximate seven-minute joy ride that ended when Guinn crashed the car into a chain-link fence and tree on the 2000 block of Corona Street. The area is captured in the following interactive graphic; if you have problems seeing the image, click "View Larger Map."

View Larger Map

The impact startled Sheila and Mark Howland, who were inside the house whose front yard Guinn had breached. And what were they doing? They told the Gazette they were watching 1995's Waterworld, a big-budget dystopia fest that became one of the biggest box office flops of the era.

Granted, the Waterworld listing on Metacritic isn't a relentless parade of critical hatred. While TV Guide maintained that "its mediocrity guarantees this lavish, soggy retread of futuristic Australian action classic The Road Warrior a place in the ranks of forgotten extravaganzas" and the Chicago Reader felt "this movie feels like it was made by a bank rather than a person," it received enough generally positive reviews to garner an overall score of 56, which is weak but not catastrophic. But here at Schmuck of the Week HQ, we found it to be a moronic bore that still owes us back the two-plus hours of our life it wasted.

We don't know how far along the Howlands had gotten into the flick when metal hit tree, but Mark didn't seem happy about the interruption. "So much for watching our show tonight," he told the Gazette.

Then again, the episode that took place on his property didn't lack for excitement. Guinn reportedly jumped out of the wrecked vehicle and headed for the backyard of their house. However, the Howlands' adult son, who was getting into his car to leave (because he didn't want to watch Waterworld?), quickly tracked Guinn down, body-slammed him to the ground and held him in place until four officers could take him away to face a car-theft beef in addition to the aforementioned warrants.

That sounds a lot more interesting than Waterworld, as we can tell you from bitter personal experience. Here's a look at double mug shots of Guinn dating from earlier this month.

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