Jered Engbring: Colorado's hottest bachelor vows to bring it in Cosmo hunk-off

So one day you're just a typical aircraft mechanic and engineering student who loves young women in tank tops and being outdoors -- flying, hiking, camping, mountain biking -- and the next you're officially Colorado's most eligible bachelor, according to the boy-crazy editors of Cosmopolitan, and in a race against fifty other sexy, single guys to claim a $10,000 prize as the magazine's Bachelor of the Year. For 29-year-old Jered Engbring of Durango, that's just how it goes.

Engbring may seem a bit wispy compared to some of his thick-necked competitors, and his online profile doesn't give supporters of local talent much to go on. He's honest enough to admit that looks are important, "but having a positive attitude means more." (Way to finesse that one, buddy!) A few texts a day are okay, ladies, but don't go overboard. His best assets are his chest and his back, he figures, both of which are apparently hairless. (Although he does seem a little more hirsute in the video below.) And his preference in the female personal grooming department? Brazilian, of course.

The deepest insight he offers is that "a lot of girls give these subtle clues that they like a man. But we only get it if you're direct." Got it.

Okay, so it's Cosmo, not Shakespeare. Nobody comes off as too profound in these meat-market situations, so let's cut Jered some slack and wish him the best. The magazine is doing its damnedest to make all its bachelors sound like airheads, but check out the ultra-brief video below. The guy only has time to deliver five words --"I'll be your personal pilot" -- but what delivery. As the breathless copywriters at Cosmo would put it, he sounds like he has the boudoir skills to make a gal MOAN in a TANTRIC TIZZY.

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Alan Prendergast has been writing for Westword for over thirty years. He teaches journalism at Colorado College; his stories about the justice system, historic crimes, high-security prisons and death by misadventure have won numerous awards and appeared in a wide range of magazines and anthologies.
Contact: Alan Prendergast