Schmuck of the Week

Jeremiah Proctor's Schmucky Samurai Sword Attack on the Anti-Schmuck

This week at Schmuck of the Week HQ, we've got a yin/yang situation. Or maybe we said say Schmuck/Anti-Schmuck, since the man Jeremiah Proctor allegedly tried to slice up with a samurai sword for the sin of towing his improperly parked car has responded in decidedly unschmucky fashion.

See also: Brock Butson Gets 192 Years for Making Bank Robbery (and Meth?) a Family Affair

The story comes to us from CBS4, which spoke with tow-truck driver Josh Noel about an incident that happened this past Sunday.

According to Noel, he and another tow-truck-company employee were called to the Pier Apartments in Fort Collins to move a vehicle that was blocking in several cars.

The problematic ride belonged to Proctor, who had reportedly been told not to park in that particular spot.

Noel and his cohort had just attached the car to the tow truck when Proctor materialized, wearing a bulletproof vest and a gas mask and toting a samurai sword. Noel says he was able to block a slash attempt by Proctor, but his partner wound up with a minor cut on his chest.

Other victims: several tires, which Proctor stabbed.

Noel eventually got the sword out of Proctor's hands, then brought him to the ground and subdued him with help from residents.

Thanks to this display, Proctor was busted on suspicion of attempted first-degree assault, felony menacing and criminal mischief. But far from hoping Proctor get a long jolt at the Cross-Bar Hotel, Noel displays an impressive amount of anti-Schmuck cred. Turns out he and Proctor are both military veterans, and Noel thinks the man needs mental-health treatment, not a long jail stint.

"That's more of the issue I (sympathize) about, especially today," Noel told CBS4. "He obviously fell through the (cracks) and isn't getting the attention he needs to be a (productive) member of society."

Good for you, Mr. Noel. You're definitely not the Schmuck of the Week.

Here's a larger look at Proctor's booking photo, followed by the aforementioned CBS4 piece.

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