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Boebert Watch: Planes, Claims and Automobiles

The clear potential for national leadership has never been more evident.
The clear potential for national leadership has never been more evident.
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Representative Lauren Boebert, who represents Colorado's 3rd Congressional District, has very much modeled her political career after her orange-hued hero, Donald Trump. This makes a twisted type of sense for a woman who tried to become a model through a website contest and whose Rifle restaurant is mainly about selling shirts.

Optics are central to the Trumpian strategy adopted by Boebert, which is why her most recent bill introduced for consideration isn’t about the financial security of middle-class Americans, or the health of a nation still suffering under the scourge of the pandemic. Instead, she’s doubling down on the false outrage that so fuels what passes for her base, by calling for the protective fencing that had to be erected around the Capitol to be moved to the southern border of the United States. She employs incendiary language in doing so, of course, calling the barricades "Fort Pelosi" and trotting out Trump's old line about how now-President Joe Biden "spent last year in his basement," ignoring the cognitive dissonance required to blame the need for said fencing on anyone but Trump himself. It's an empty and ignorant idea that will get no traction, a proposal only meant to throw red meat to a ravenously hungry voting bloc of Americans who harbor such anger at anyone not like them that they will eat omelets only when armed.

Boebert has even put out another video showing her strutting around Washington, D.C., as though hubris alone could qualify someone to serve there. This is part of the strategy: Smoke and mirrors have always been part of snake-oil sales. Would it be great if the U.S. Capitol building didn't need the type of protective barriers usually seen in wartime? Sure. But it's Boebert and her ilk that made it necessary — not that the issue is the point. The point is distraction.

But from what might Boebert be trying to distract attention? Could it be the continuing questions regarding her January 5 tours of the Capitol, fewer than 24 hours before the anti-American insurrection of January 6 — the prelude to which, it cannot be repeated often enough, was her portentous tweet stating that “Today is 1776.” Or maybe it’s the recent and unbelievable “mileage reimbursement” made by her political campaign to her personal finances. (Remember when she drove to the moon and back? Yeah, that was cool.)

But it's likely that Boebert believes those particular fires have already been put out. After all, it’s very Trumpian to spread the bullshit so thick and so fast that it’s impossible to even register every shovelful, let alone address each load individually. By the time Americans realize they’re exhausted from simply trying, time has moved on to reveal new and vast fields of bullshit.

For evidence that Boebert is following this model, look no further than her most recent fundraising pitch, attempting to turn the trending Twitter hashtag "LaurenBoebert4Prison" into a way for her to fill her political (and personal) pockets. By promoting the growing national sentiment advocating a legal examination of her behavior, by posing as the victim in the situation and then asking for cash to help her fight her "enemies," by claiming that she's "not going anywhere," Boebert is employing the bury-them-in-bullshit strategy. Sound familiar? It should —we somehow lived through four years of it in lieu of actual national leadership.

Boebert’s latest ethical kerfuffle — what we used to call a scandal, back when that word had any sort of meaning in the political sphere — has already taken flight. According to Rural Colorado United, for the years 2016 through 2018, a single-engine cargo plane was registered to Boebert's consulting firm, the ownership or sale of which went illegally unreported on her Personal Financial Disclosure. “What was she doing with it,” RCU tweeted on March 1, “[and] why did she go to such lengths to hide it?”

Taildraggers.EXPAND
Taildraggers.

Good questions. But as much as Boebert wasn’t hiding the plane itself — she posed in front of it, hand on gun, gun on hip, flashing a smile like the internet model she apparently wanted to be, and posted those shots to Twitter many times — she probably won’t be addressing them in any definitive way unless forced to do so by the courts or Congress.

Still, the intrepid Boebert Watcher who has previously sent us documents he’s reportedly procured through his own investigations into the Colorado representative (including both her alleged mileage log notes and plans for future CPAC speeches) has come through again. This time, it’s with a list of other things that went unreported on Lauren Boebert’s Personal Financial Disclosures, which he tells us he found in a stack of sticky menus at Shooters Grill.

Heavy-duty Shelves for Super-Awesome Firearm Display

Historic and Valuable Collection of Truck Nutz

Puka Shell Necklace Once Worn by Ted Nugent

Video Production Equipment with Unearned Swagger Filter

Actual Smoke, Actual Mirrors (before the metaphor was explained)

1 gross: Holsters that look like Pancakes

Avenue Q T-shirt (since returned because she totally thought it was something else)

Hello Kitty Mileage Log

Oh My God So Many Guns

Honorary Diploma from Trump University

What else might have gone unreported on Boebert's disclosures? Give us your best guesses at editorial@westword.com.

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