The battle of the bulge: Well, I enjoy clever penis references as much as any other stiff, and Patricia Calhoun and Westword obviously are interested in giving rise to them. So out comes Westword, unzipped and all, to extend El Dildo Bandido's fifteen minutes of fame and spin a longer yarn than Robert Rowan might on his Web site ("The Peter Principle," February 28). Of course, yours is much bigger than his (the metaphors sort of spasm out of me at this point).
And enough draping your story in the absence of flags; you're fanning the flames with empty hands. It's been common knowledge that (a) a row of flags atop high flagpoles spans the block between the Boulder Public Library and the city government building due east, and (b) the scale of the proposed interior flag was deemed overkill for the space.
The only thing you're arousing with this column is your own bulging storytelling desires. If "Rowan's fifteen minutes of fame should have been up last fall," the only hot air around this issue is your own extended panting.
Holding firm: After reading Calhoun's column and then hearing that Robert Rowan has again refused a plea deal, I can come to only one conclusion: The penis pilferer is a dick.
via the Internet
Truth or consequences: I hope all the legislators who voted against having a commission investigate Columbine read Alan Prendergast's "There Ought to Be a Law," in the March 7 issue. They should be ashamed of themselves for being such cowards.
What's wrong with wanting to know the truth?
via the Internet
Shrink to fit: The Columbine tragedy continues, and all the lawyers must be getting rich!
My concern: Ever hear of someone getting off scot-free? So far, the therapists who treated those responsible for the Columbine massacre have never given an account. Isn't that getting off scot-free?
Bug out! I don't always agree with Kenny Be, but his February 28 "As the world-class city turns" nailed one right over the centerfield fence. This guy Oglesby needs to have his wings clipped. He is a symptom of a much greater problem: the corruption that's endemic, top to bottom, in our big-city machine.
Thank you for continuing to shine the light on our own herd of cockroaches.
The art of the deal: How's this for a Worst-Case Scenario? Lockheed Martin wins the right to place the first sculptures on the moon. The company commissions Ed Dwight to create 120-foot-high bronze likenesses of Wellington and Wilma, to be viewed via public telescopes ($1 per fifteen minutes, to be metered by John Oglesby), strategically located in the Plex Sculpture Garden.
Does this make Wellington a candidate for Man in the Moon?
Enquiring minds want to know.
Name withheld on request
Yeah, that's the ticket: Usually I agree with most of what Patricia Calhoun says. However, there were some inaccuracies in her March 7 "Boot Hill." First, she stated that "from 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m....parking trucks are on the prowl." Well, this may be the boot-only trucks, because I've seen those white Cherokees in Capitol Hill as early as 5 a.m. They do this to get those marginal parkers who leave before business hours begin.
Second, she says the booting process is "fair." Well, permit me to share a story with you.
Being a contractor, I rely on my truck for my livelihood. One Friday, I went out to get into my truck and found a yellow Denver boot on it. Hmmmm. I walked to the Denver City and County Building to track down my offense and wound up talking to that referee. I took off my hat and went in. She said I had four tickets: two for parking violations and one each for expired plates and emissions, totaling $160. "Well," I said, "I remember one ticket, but I thought I paid it. No idea of the other. As for the expired plates and expired emissions, I got those, and they're wrong."
I showed her my registration stating that my truck wasn't expired. "Why didn't you resolve this earlier?" she asked.
"I did. I found one of your officers in the white Jeeps and asked him what I should do. He said I should make a copy of my registration and, along with a letter of explanation, mail it back with the two tickets."