Thirst amendment: "Through a Glass, Darkly," your special drinking report in the November 4 issue, was the only thing that got me through the dark days of last week. Now there's even more reason to drink!
Moral majority: Westword's celebration of drinking was in very bad taste, and typical of your publication's refusal to grow up. Obviously, you didn't get the message the majority of voters sent in this election.
Whale's tale: As a huge Moby-Dick fan, I was surprised to read in David Holthouse's "Moby Drunk" that a couple of drunk guys were trying to be the first to produce an unabridged audio Moby-Dick. Unless they started before 1987, Recorded Books beat them to it. I have listened to all 21 hours, and it says "unabridged" on the cover and on each of the fifteen tapes. It is also available on CD, but only through your local library. It is read by the audio-book god Frank Muller, whose stellar career was sidelined after an unfortunate motorcycle accident. In spite of all that, Muller's version might not be Moby-Dick in its entirety, which I doubt, but the Sunday-night Moby Drunks are making a mockery of what should be a professional performance.
If you can't pronounce "psalmody" or hold your liquor, then start with something simpler: children's books and Coors Light, which incidentally is now okay to drink without the fear and guilt of supporting the Republican Party. The Moby Drunks should leave intoxicated performance to a native Coloradan who over-performs when he is looped: Hunter S. Thompson.
Take cover: Apparently nothing caterwauls quite as loudly as a Buffalo. Until I began attending the University of Colorado at Boulder this fall as a freshman, I didn't realize the highly contradictory nature of CU's new alcohol policy: A student must not only be responsible for himself, but also for the actions of everyone around him. A student can also be ticketed for having reasonably known he was in the presence of alcohol. Well, that's just dandy -- except that no one can control the actions of anyone but himself, and souring a student's permanent record for seven years after graduation because of someone else's decisions is absurd. So in Laura Bond's "The War on Drunks," when Robert Maust mewls, "We're not going to be losing our wonderful future astrophysicists, engineers, chemists, brilliant artists," I hope none of these geniuses is standing within sight of any of the thousands of bored fools trying to choke down a Key Light. It's harder than it sounds: I was completely sober, simply stumbled into a room with a single beer and was still ticketed.
The administration should give itself a hand. Boulder is catching a load of deviant behavior, not caring whether anyone was doing anything wrong.
Let's drink to the Sink: Great article by Laura Bond, but the Sink (if not its murals), existed prior to the '70s. It may even have existed at the time of the Battle of Lexington/Concord -- I'm not sure on that one! I am sure that it existed well prior to 1964, when 32-ounce quarts were the only featured size of beverage of "moderation." One went well with the Sinkburger.
Another round: Calhoun, Sheehan, Holthouse. "Through a Glass" was truly journalism to savor. As usual, thanks for everything.
via the Internet
Dull and duller: Reading Adam Cayton-Holland's November 4 What's So Funny?, I was happy to see that someone else out there thinks the city is losing its charm. I, too, can recall countless changes that have happened around town that just make me shake my head. The sad thing is that while a few of us may think the city is declining in modernization, society sees these as improvements, so they will continue. A building by my house had stood for at least a hundred years; it reminded us that there is a history here. It was torn down to make a SuperTarget.
It's always harder to analyze an event that's happening rather than one that has already passed. Nevertheless, it's obvious that this city is modernizing itself for the convenience of its occupants. In making society cleaner, safer and easier, it is separating us from each other. It lengthens the gaps between classes by planning neighborhoods that are aimed at certain groups, and it keeps us inside and quiet. When our surroundings lose their luster, there is an illusion put forth that the world has, as well. I'm not saying the old way was better than the new; there's definitely something to be said for the efficiency with which we build and the advancements that we've made. I'm just saying that the physical changes of our surroundings have an effect on our lives, and it seems that currently, they're making life dull.
Bush-league behavior: Regarding Mike Meyer's letter in the November 4 issue:
Mike, since you are a registered Republican, I'll try to use small words even you might understand. Although you want to whine like a typical conservative bitch as soon as you realize people are laughing at your holy jeezus-in-a-box saint, Dubya "The Family Puppet" Bush, you might check some facts before you spew stupidity such as "I wonder if the thought crosses his [Kenny Be's] mind that maybe conservative readers outnumber those who are liberal."
Hmm. Well, unless the readership in backwater, semi-literate, Bible-belt, closet/latent homo, sibling-fucking, jeezus-worshiping states for Westword is a lot higher than the readership in urban areas, I think you probably have your Republican head stuck up your Republican ass, which would make you fit right alongside your political brethren. Kenny Be rocks, and if you can't deal with his "vindictive" political humor (boo-fucking-hoo), maybe you should get a subscription to the Fuckus on the Family newsletter for safer reading and spare the majority of the Westword readership your condescending, self-flattering bullshit and pathetic blubbering.