However, of all the inaccurate, adolescent remarks made by Triplett -- which would take more words to tear apart than such gibberish is worth -- my favorite was this one: "So instead of sitting on the sidelines pointing your inflammatory finger of hatred [Oh, my! Not the inflammatory finger of hatred!], why don't you run against Mr. Tancredo in the next election?" To follow this bizarre sense of logic to the next step, I thought up a couple more nonsensical statements that he can use in the future to impress everyone with his amazing reasoning skills:
1) To a weeping mother who lost her family in a plane crash because of pilot error: "So instead of sitting around pointing your lonely finger of sorrow, why don't you go take flying lessons and become a commercial pilot?"
2) To a middle-aged football fan who is upset because his favorite team lost a playoff game because of a bad pass: "So instead of sitting around pointing your beer-drenched finger of armchair, why don't you give up your career, which you use to support your family, and train full-time to be an NFL quarterback?"
Buzz off: One of my favorite places in Cherry Creek was the now-defunct barber shop next to the Cherry Cricket (Bite Me, February 3). Both barbers called themselves John. One was a native, the other from Morocco. Morocco John always greeted his clients as holy men and made them feel they had come to a special place of the human psyche. The $12 buzz cut done in under ten minutes was refreshing in the pretentious hair-salon atmosphere of Cherry Creek.
John and John, I miss you. I hope you are doing well, wherever you have landed.