Matching Up With the Green Jacket

Sure, it was exciting to watch Tiger Woods fend off challengers Woody Austin and Ernie Els to win the PGA on August 12 -- the thirteenth major championship of his career. But the thrill petered out as soon as Woods was presented with a generic looking silver-plated cup -- a bauble that isn't nearly as distinctive as the ugly green jackets handed out to victors at the Masters. Moreover, the trophies associated with the other two of golf's big four tournaments -- the U.S. Open and the British Open -- are just as bland.

So here's a modest proposal for improving the prizes given to champs of three bad-fashion-challenged majors: change them to articles of clothing. The PGA could hand out a purple Ban-Lon shirt, the U.S. Open a pair of red-and-black checkered Haggar slacks and the British Open chartreuse penny loafers. That way, someone like Woods, who's won each of these tournies, could wear the entire hideous outfit as a way of saying, "How do you like me now, bitch?"

Take that cup and shove it. -- Michael Roberts

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts