Best Mousetrap
Magnum
Police district station 1, in Denver's northwest quadrant, was a hotbed of rodent activity. "We had so many mice," says Captain Dan O'Hayre, "the night shift had given them all nicknames." That ended in October 1993, when O'Hayre brought in an exterminator--a gray-and-white cat the cops dubbed "Magnum." The mice are now long gone, but Magnum is still much in evidence, plopping himself atop crime reports and demanding backrubs and ear scratches. He's also proven to be a useful public-relations tool in the neighborhood. After he got in a scrape this spring and was seen, sore and hobbling, in and around the station, "we had people calling and coming in saying they'd heard something was wrong with Magnum," O'Hayre says. "They wanted to know if he was okay."
Best Window Dressing
Buster
Jerry Breen Florists
1770 Blake St.
Buster is a pug. On weekdays he lives in a Blake Street storefront, where he's such a popular sight with in-transit ballpark-goers that he's inspired his own voice bubble. Taped to the window--which is where Buster sits, faithfully checking out the passersby day after day, it tells it like he is: "Hi, I'm Buster." Tige--the similarly mash-faced comic canine belonging to Buster Brown shoes--would be proud.
Best Denver Zoo Animals
Howler monkeys, Tropical Discovery exhibit
Forget Klondike and Snow, who sleep too much--the howler monkeys are great for a show at nearly any time of day. The baby monkey "Eugene" actually gets out of the enclosure and forages for food for his parents, Avery and Beanie. When he's not quick enough, the 'rents have been known to start making the kind of noise from which howlers get their name. Sounds like a foghorn, looks even funnier.
Best Zoo Baby
Jasiri, lowland gorilla
Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, Colorado Springs
If you look closely, this growing baby boy looks a lot like your distant cousin. And family's family. How long has it been since you made that trek up Cheyenne Mountain, anyway?
Best Doctor Dolittle Imitation
Michael Jurich
Prairie Wind Wild Animal Refuge, Kiowa
Jurich is about as far from an Englishman as you can get, but it does appear as though he can talk to the animals. He shares his 42-acre homestead with Bengal tigers, African lions, bobcats, mountain lions, jaguars, black bears, coyotes, foxes, wolves and raccoons, all of which he saved from one form of destruction or another. They eat pretty regular; he sometimes doesn't. There's no question where this man's heart is.
Best Bike Messenger
Marc Anderson
The Boulder-Denver Couriers team went off to London in a blaze of glory last August to maneuver a course designed to perfectly simulate an average day in the high-octane life of a bike messenger. When it was all over, team member Marc Anderson had put his feet down so effectively that he placed eighteenth in the world--the highest-ranking North American in the competition. According to Boulder-Denver Couriers founder Chris Grealish, Anderson and four other teammates (including one woman) are headed this year to Toronto for another international traffic scram. May the best lunatic win.
Best Fish in the Fundraising Sea
Food Bank of the Rockies
What would you do with 40,000 pounds of fish from an "abandoned catch"? Food Bank of the Rockies, when faced with just such a twenty-ton opportunity, turned to officials at the School of Culinary Arts, who arranged an on-the-spot cooking session for volunteers. Thanks to chef Gary Prell and his staff, the Food Bank, which is equipped with substantial freezer capacity, got the surplus turbot and served it to inner-city children and homeless people. Nobody threw it back.
Best Place for a Husband to Sit While the Wife Shops at the Tabor Center
Skyline Park
16th and Arapahoe streets
This downtown oasis of trees and fountains is an urban Garden of Eden every day the sun shines--that's when Hooters opens up its sidewalk patio. Sitting on the park's concrete terraces allows husbands a fine view along with their fresh air, as the tables fill up fast for feasting on Hooters' famous buffalo wings. The patrons never complain about the lack of dressing.
Best Boob Man
Dr. James Bachman
Frisco Medical Center
Life in Colorado's high country hasn't been so tranquil for women with breast implants. For years their complaints could hardly be heard above the din of weird sloshing noises coming from their chests. Many became so upset that they canceled their Colorado vacations. So in the interest of saving the local economy, a doctor at the Frisco Medical Center put his ear to the grindstone to find out what was causing the sounds. Dr. James Bachman discovered that, for many full-figured visitors, traveling from a low to a high altitude displaces the air dissolved in saline implants; the movement makes the noises. The condition isn't dangerous, and the sloshing sounds eventually stop. Travelers can now breast in peace.
Best Citizens of the Naked City
"The Sexiest Men of Colorado," Playgirl magazine
There are more advantages to living the sporting Colorado life than you'd think. Just ask Jesse Benbrook, Sean Mendez, Jeff Murrell, Donald O'Shea and Adolfo Williamson--some of the state's better-built sports. The husky quintet took time off the bike paths and slopes to flex their pecs and bare their buns for a January Playgirl spread that celebrated Colorado's healthy complexion. It was all ripplin' muscles and Rocky Mountain thighs.
Best Voices in the Dark
Pete Smythe and Reynelda Muse
DIA Trains
They could have hired some voice-over hack accustomed to hawking detergent. Instead, the DIA powers that be chose two people who symbolically represent place and history to record the stock announcements that accompany underground train trips between terminals at the new airport. Most travelers won't know the difference, but former TV newsman Pete, a true voice of the changing West, and Channel 4 anchor Reynelda, an intelligent reminder of Denver's new sophistication, seem like graceful choices.
Best Backer of the First Amendment
Joyce Meskis
Nobody knows better than Joyce Meskis just how many books are out there. But don't think she's jaded about their value and power just because her Tattered Cover Book Stores stock so darn many of 'em. In the name of freedom of expression, Meskis campaigns tirelessly against censorship: Her most recent soapbox centered on the proposed and defeated Colorado amendment that would have given communities more power to ban books and other materials deemed "obscene." The international writers' association PEN recognized Meskis for those efforts by awarding her their PEN/Newman's Own First Amendment Award--presented this past spring in New York City.
Best Confession by a Retired Editor
Ralph Looney
In a February 1995 Rocky Mountain News article that took a critical look at the factors leading to the construction of DIA, reporters Burt Hubbard and Ann Carnahan asked former News editor Ralph Looney about the newspaper's vigorous support of the project during his watch. His response was the kind of mea culpa that's all but unknown in journalism. "It was a mistake," he said. "I know that now. I just bleed for this city. I think it's just tragic. I was wrong, and so were most of the other people who had anything to do with it. This thing--it's just horrible." Glad you got that off your chest, Ralph.
Best Local Radio Talk-Show Host
Peter Boyles
KTLK-AM/760
While most of his brethren are busy milking Rush Limbaugh's daily leftovers, Boyles keeps up his appetite for local hot-button issues. His show served as a veritable command center for DIA gossip, regularly attracting calls from both vocal critics and present and former airport officials. And his biggest public service was providing a reality check for the state's new emissions-testing program. When his operatives snuck three dirty cars past unsuspecting Envirotest inspectors, officials at the state and the private firm looked like they were ready to suck on a tailpipe. Boyles does occasionally veer close to the edge of conspiracy theories--but luckily for him, truth around here remains stranger than fiction.
Readers' choice: Peter Boyles
Best Hair on a Local TV Personality (Male)
Phil Keating
KUSA-TV/Channel 9
Keating, one of the many young, dashing sorts reporting for Channel 9, has a coiffure that's simultaneously casual and meticulous. In virtually all of his televised appearances, be they in the studio or at the scene of a breaking story, the hair on top of his head is as poofy and well-styled as that worn by your average Melrose Place hunk. Better yet, several strands of hair always hang over his forehead, giving him the man-on-the-move look of Jack Lord on a vintage episode of Hawaii Five-O. Book 'em, Phil.
Readers' choice: Alan Gionet
Best Hair on a Local TV Personality (Female)
Bertha Lynn
KMGH-TV/Channel 7
Bertha Lynn has long been one of Denver's most personable news anchors--but who would have guessed she was such a babe? During a guest appearance on Oprah, Bertha received a striking replacement 'do and some excellent color work. We are now often transfixed, staring at her new beauty, unable to comprehend the news.
Readers' choice: Aimee Sporer
Best Hair on a Local Sportscaster
Dave Logan
KOA-AM/850
Rather than opting for a subtle rug, KOA's Logan proudly wears the largest, shaggiest, loudest wig imaginable. Clearly, the man is a bigger inspiration to the follicly challenged than anyone this side of Willard Scott.
Best Local TV News Anchor
Alan Gionet
KCNC/Channel 4
Sure, we love Gionet's Elvis-for-the-Nineties coiffure, but we've grown to appreciate the weekend anchor's news judgment and delivery even more. The youthful Gionet, who plays against TV-celebrity type by living in Five Points, is one of the few local anchors who get out from behind the desk to report real news stories. That sort of experience breeds perspective--one reason, perhaps, that Gionet appears to have something approximating a twinkle in his eye while delivering Klondike-and-Snow bulletins alongside the latest dispatch from Bosnia.
Readers' choice: Aimee Sporer
Best Local TV Weathercaster
Nick Carter
KUSA-TV/Channel 9
Channel 9's weather segments are so elaborate that they sometimes seem like outtakes from an IMAX presentation. It would be easy for a forecaster to get lost amid all those special effects, but somehow Carter, who usually stars in the station's morning newscasts, manages to hold his own. His reports are simple, straightforward and clear--and his predictions are (usually) right as rain.
Readers' choice: Larry Green
Best Local TV Sportscaster
Curt Sandoval
KMGH-TV/Channel 7
Channel 7's decision this spring to move Sandoval away from the weekend anchor desk to a sports-reporting position was disappointing. That's because Sandoval is clearly the freshest face on Denver's sports-guy scene, a personality with an easy manner and a way with a quip that reminds viewers that football, baseball and the rest are considerably less important than, say, the Oklahoma City bombing. But while he's no longer the weekend's most reliable and amusing purveyor of scores and highlights, we still have Sandoval's weeknight reports to look forward to.
Readers' choice: Ron Zappolo
Best TV Newscast Makeover
KWGN-TV/Channel 2
Because it airs its prime-time telecast at 9 p.m., an hour earlier than the other stations, Channel 2 has long been thought of as the home of the granny news. But a major overhaul this season brought new life and a new look to the program. Everything and everyone got a makeover: Beverly Weaver and Dave Young were transformed from high school science teachers into big-city newscasters overnight. And a high-tech set and snappy graphics make the endless teasers and relentless self-promotion endemic to all newscasts more bearable. Next time you get to the end of a Rockies broadcast, try sticking around for a while.
Best Place to Spot TV News Sports Anchors and Their Families
Cherry Creek Mall
Your favorite newscasters work at 5, 6 and 10 p.m., so the only time they have to bond with their families is during the afternoon. And Cherry Creek is one hell of a convenient spot. Ron Zappolo prefers to shop at Lord & Taylor; Les Shapiro is partial to Paul's Place.
Best Place to Spot NBA Players and Coaches
Tabor Center Food Court
1201 16th St.
The glamour boys of professional hoops like to bunk down at the Westin Hotel Tabor Center when they come to town to post up against the Nuggets. And what young multimillionaire wants to bother with ritzy restaurants and the accompanying attitude when he can ride down to the food court on the elevator, lose himself in the lunchtime mob and suck the grease out of a Burger King Whopper? We've seen young studs like Gerald Wilkins and Latrell Sprewell strap on the feed bag with the unwashed masses, and if you're looking to talk X's and O's, just share a table with Golden State coach Mike Schuler or Orlando assistant Richie Adubato. Next time you see a seven-footer in a warm-up jacket chowing down, pull up a chair and raise a glass to his next six-figure contract.
Best Local Radio DJ
Brett Saunders
KTCL-FM/93.3
Saunders continues to be the best company a morning driver can have. The reasons? He's witty without being sophomoric, and he doesn't take himself too seriously. Some of his shticks may be a bit too Letterman-esque, but for the most part, Saunders provides just enough wry cynicism to get you where you're headed.
Readers' choice: Lewis and Floorwax
Best Revived Colorado Has-Been
Gary Hart
KOA-AM/850
Hart's Sunday-night gabfest on KOA, Heartland, brings to the fore interviews with politicians, poets and pundits who have anything but traditional views. He may not be very smooth yet--was he ever?--but at least the former senator and presidential candidate knows there's life after all that Monkey Business.
Best Squirrel
The Capitol Hill Squirrel
Earlier this year, a squirrel who lives near the State Capitol made his own political statement--by twice chewing up wiring inside the engine compartment of a car owned by Mary Ellen Epps, a Republican representative from Colorado Springs. Epps subsequently declined to park in her assigned space--and when state patrolman Bill Mattias left his vehicle in the cursed spot, his auto's wiring became lunch, too, prompting House Clerk J.R. Rodriguez to issue a memo warning lawmakers about the bushy-tailed renegade. Clearly, the squirrel is a role model for our times.
Best Example of Colorado Democrats in Action
Senate Bill 94
When it comes to government, Democrats agree: Bigger is better. And more is less for Bill Thiebaut. He's the Pueblo Democrat who penned a bill allowing voters the opportunity to cast their vote for "none of the above" in an election. In the event that "none of the above" should win, the surly electorate would treat itself to the pleasure and expense of running a second special election. The bill was killed.
Best Example of Colorado Republicans in Action
House Bill 1100
Introduced by Republican Bill Jerke of La Salle, the proposal offered Colorado inmates the chance of a lifetime: The state would pay for voluntary sterilization and, as a bonus, the lucky gelding would receive one day off his sentence. The bill was killed.
Best Political Flip-Flop
Don Bain
"Republicans don't consort with bikers." Or so said a prissy Don Bain after Democratic Colorado senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell returned from a summer of biker fun runs. Undaunted by the snub, Campbell switched parties the following January. Bain was then forced to drop his attitude and open his arms to welcome Campbell and "anybody else who shares our values." May the wind always be in your faces, boys.
Best Ticket to Happy Holidays
Glendale Police ticket moratorium
The city of Glendale's police officers have a reputation as the quickest draws with their ticket books in the metro area--a reputation Chief Ken Burge has been trying to change since he joined the force three years ago. From Thanksgiving to New Year's Day, Burge has his cops take a holiday from business as usual: For minor traffic violations, they just issue warnings. God bless 'em, every one.
Best Commuting Time
Roy Romer's Wild Ride
Bruce Benson wasn't the only one Governor Roy Romer left in the dust last year. The trip from Greeley to Fort Collins usually takes about thirty minutes for your run-of-the-mill speed freak. Pursued (allegedly) by an overeager assailant, Romer and his ace state patrol driver were able to cut their commuting time in half during a campaign swing through northern Colorado in October. Reported top speed of the Guv-mobile: 120 miles per hour. And--would you believe?--nary a state trooper in sight.
Best Way to Get Your Picture in the Paper
Solicit Prostitutes in Aurora
Need some publicity? Just say yes to one of those comely Aurora undercover cops working East Colfax and you're well on your way to some solid name recognition. Great for bachelors and state legislators!
Best Show of School Spirit
CSU on ESPN
When ESPN broadcast the Rams' key 35-25 win over Wyoming, 5,000 very drunk students stormed the field and tore down the goalposts. As the cameras rolled, the rowdy mob was captured in its glory: Shirtless male students in ram's-horn hats looked obscenely like a horde of Huns. We guess that's why it's called Fort Fun.
Best National Performance by a Local School
Rocky Mountain School of Expeditionary Learning
Students at this unique, intercounty public school had their two and a half minutes of fame last November when they appeared in a profile aired on NBC's evening news show last November. Tom Brokaw and his crew hung out with the kids--who participate in an Outward Bound-style, learn-while-doing program--as they worked in an Idaho Springs gold mine and went on a mountain campout. Back in the classroom, the students managed to relate their experiences to the usual educational disciplines. No wonder the school has such a ridiculously long waiting list.
Best Celebrity Guest
Princess Di
Despite the fact that she arrived unannounced on the slopes of Vail, we welcomed her like she was royalty. As it should have been--she even brought her own paparazzi and bodyguards. And with all the world watching, maybe some of her glamour rubbed off on us. But too bad about that warm, weird winter weather--the skiing sucked.
Best Celebrity Resident
Gennifer Flowers
The willowy ex-Clinton babe moved into a luxury condo in Cherry Creek, where she immediately made waves in the parking garage fending off a private eye who was allegedly trailing her on behalf of a tabloid. He got busted for trespassing, she gave good quote to the local dailies: "Bill was coming to town," said the Flowers child. "It could have been the Secret Service. It could have been some stalker. I have to worry about the...weirdos out there." Now if only we knew where she works out!
Best Myth About a Dead Celebrity
Buffalo Bill's Grave
A huckster par excellence, Buffalo Bill Cody promoted the romance of the Wild West even as the territory was turning tame. And America's love affair with the region--and Cody himself--didn't end with his death. The town of Cody, Wyoming, put up quite a fight with Denver for the right to Buffalo Bill's remains; to lay that dispute to rest, his coffin was buried under ten feet of reinforced concrete on Lookout Mountain. And from there arose a peculiar myth: that a single woman who placed hairpins on Bill's grave would avoid becoming an old maid. "The famous scout's grave offers a glorious opportunity for the spinster," the Denver Post reported in 1922. "Here she may shyly cast forth a hairpin, laughing it off to her friends as a jest, but wishing with all her soul that the act may bring her a man...Denver and the mountain parts are being flooded with unmarried women this summer, and each of them is horrified at the thought of dying an old maid." Myth lonely hearts, indeed.
Best friends of Dawn Denzer
There's only one reason why we tear into the Rocky Mountain News anymore, and that's to see who in town has been partying down with La Denzer, everyone's fave society wag. Click! Dawn, who must wear sunglasses at night to protect her flashbulb-blinded eyes, attends hundreds of parties with hundreds of thousands of partygoers. But through the course of a year, we noticed that the names of a few select merrymakers kept popping up over and over. After painstaking tabulation, we can name Denver's best party animals--and their top-secret society nicknames--by the number of times they appeared in Denzer's column:
"Doe-Eyed" Arlene & Barry "Elvis" Hirshfeld--12
Phyllis, Bill, Pete, Marylin & Holly Coors--10
Leo & Lynn Goto--6
Jamie & Martha Kelce--5
Bob & Deborah Russell--5
Candy & "Dealin'" Doug Moreland--5
Annabell & Pat Bowlen, "Power Partiers"--4
"Dapper" John & Janet Elway--4
"Lovely" Lafawn & Dusty Biddle--4
"Always Lovely" Leslie Fishbein--3
"Crusty" Will & Sue McFarlane--3
John & Sharon Profitt--3
Gerald Padmore--3
Paul "Frisky" Garcia--3
Barbara Knight--3
Don & Karen Ringsby--2
Alex & Joanna Ringsby--2
Myrtle Rose Greene--2
end of part 2