Photos: Ten Stupidest Reasons Why Yobeat Thinks Colorado Sucks

Yobeat is a Portland, Oregon-based website known for a devotion to snowboarding and a dislike of doing it in Colorado (except for the southern part) that's spelled out in the recent post "30-Something Reasons Colorado Sucks."

Admittedly, some of Yobeat's picks are solid: I-70 traffic is terrible and we thought the joke about Texans being even worse when they're oxygen-deprived was pretty funny. But others struck us as somewhere between forced and moronic. Continue to count down ten photo-illustrated examples juxtaposing Yobeat's takes with ours -- and to read the original item, click here.

See also: Twenty Reasons Why Denver Sucks and You Shouldn't Move Here -- Please!

Number 10: Lack of snow Yobeat's take: Now I'm not talking about Southern Colorado, we all know Wolf Creek gets dumped on blah blah blah, but anyone who actually lives in Colorado can tell you those storms are few and far between. And half the time when it snows, the snow is too damn light to actually cover anything.

Our take: True, several recent seasons have suffered from a shortfall of natural snow, forcing an over-reliance on snow-making. But the past couple of years have been great and signs look positive for this year, too. Stick your head back in the hole, groundhog.

Number 9: Shitty avy conditions Yobeat's take: When and if it does snow, the Colorado backcountry is downright treacherous. Stay alive out there, kids.

Our take: That advice about the backcountry is sound, especially after all the avalanche deaths that took place last winter. But whining about there being too little and too much snow on the same list strikes us as too damn much whining.

Continue to keep counting down the ten stupidest reasons why Yobeat thinks Colorado sucks. Number 8: High altitude Yobeat's take: Summit County is based around 9,000 ft. The base lodge at Silverton is at 10k. As we mentioned before, high altitude is great for getting drunk efficiently, but it also makes it hard to breathe, makes putting on your boots the hardest thing ever, and makes it hard to sleep. But the biggest issue with the thin air is you just can't think straight, which may explain why everyone in Colorado is such a kook.

Our take: Plenty of flatlanders need a little adjustment time to acclimate to the altitude, but the overwhelming majority manage to do so just fine. Maybe they'd prefer snowboarding in New Orleans.

Number 7: Oxygen Bars Yobeat's take: I've never been in one, but I assume it's horrible. I mean, they have them in Los Angeles.

Our take: Based on the altitude complaints, the real problem seems to be that these guys need to go to an oxygen bar but fear it'll make them seem like wimps. Which, come to think of it....

Continue to keep counting down the ten stupidest reasons why Yobeat thinks Colorado sucks. Number 6: It's cold as fuck Yobeat's take: Oh cool, high of negative 5 today? Fuck you.

Our take: This claim takes about four seconds to dispute: For example, shows that the average high temperature in Vail during January is 28 degrees Fahrenheit. Put on some gloves, for Christ's sake.

Number 5: 3.2 Beer Yobeat's take: Yes, you can get real beer in the Liquor store or any of the 40,000 craft breweries, but damn it, I want to pick it up with my groceries, and that shit is 3.2. Worst part, unless someone tells you this, you can spend your whole vacation wondering why you're not getting drunk, even at 10,000 feet.

Our take: Yeah, Colorado really has a severe shortage of liquor stores. As for needing someone to tell you that most grocery stores only sell 3.2 beer, there's a little thing called "reading." Look into it.

Continue to keep counting down the ten stupidest reasons why Yobeat thinks Colorado sucks. Number 4: Legal Weed Yobeat's take: It's not that we're not in favor of legal weed, as we just mentioned, but we're pretty sure the feds blew up Leo's just to prove a point. Not to mention the annoying bi-products that have come because of it such as dabs, oils, weed snobs, etc.

Our take: There are loads o' conflicted references to recreational marijuana sales on Yobeat's list. Can't tell if the crew there actually hates dank or they view the topic as a supposedly easy (but by now horribly cliched) laugh line.

Number 3: Angry Snowboarder (a Colorado-based blog) Yobeat's take: Just chill out, dude. Smoke some legal weed perhaps.

Our take: See what we mean?

Continue to keep counting down the ten stupidest reasons why Yobeat thinks Colorado sucks. Number 2: Every 13 year-old can double cork Yobeat's take: It's just not fair how good these little brats are.

Our take: And jealousy rears its ugly head.

Number 1: General Overhype Yobeat's take: Local pride is real, so we get it. You love where you live and that's why you live there. But would it kill you to just be honest with the other people?....

Our take: If you've got it, flaunt it.

Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts