Photos: Ten weirdest new posts on Denver Craigslist

In April, we collected the ten weirdest posts on Denver Craigslist -- and since then, the strangeness supply has definitely been restocked.

Below, check out our picks for the most bizarre recent items to turn up on the site. As before, they're not all for sale -- but they're all plenty twisted.

Number 10: Does anyone speak Japanese? "For various weird reasons," writes the person behind this post, "I need to come up with a fantasy name for a Japanese pirate who has the key to all locks. The name must imply the keys (kagi) and can incorporate wind or earth, or imply 'the owner of' or the holder or keeper or whatever. I've been trying to go through Google translate and can't come up with anything that seems like a name."

Mmm-kay. And how much will he pay for an inspired moniker? He offers "a beer at the Renaissance Festival," a supply of "good karma" or a promise to "follow you on Twitter." That's capable of getting anyone keyed up.

Number 9: Can't Sleep The Clown will eat me Is the owner of this fifteen-inch tall mime figure really terrified that it will kill him in his slumber? No, he insists. Rather, "I have a date 2morrow and I need some $ for a good time.... Paid off all my bills, left with nothing but I have a girl to entertain."

However, he concedes that this item is "real creepy in the dark."

And in the light.

Page down to see more of the ten weirdest new posts on Denver Craigslist. Number 8: Porcelain nursing stuff The owner of this treasure trove of odd "found it going through family junk" and characterizes it as being in "virtually new condition" -- a description that may give potential buyers some pause given that the items include a couple of bed pans, one of which has some "small chips."

Also available is what he refers to as a "slop pot." Paints a pretty picture, doesn't it?

Number 7: Giant MySpace poster signed The autographs on this poster come courtesy of actual celebrities -- the members of the band 30 Seconds to Mars, starring actor Jared Leto. But the signatures are almost incidental. As the current owner notes, the poster "was used on the signing table at the Denver Mountain Dew tour... to practice their autographs." As such, it "has some doodles on it."

And famous-people doodles are more valuable than actual autographs, aren't they?

Page down to see more of the ten weirdest new posts on Denver Craigslist. Number 6: STRANGE 9" center section Does the person selling this part know what the hell it is/does? Probably, since he uses technical-sounding descriptions like "35 spline, spool, 4.86 gears, aluminum pinion support and big yoke. ARP bolts."

And if that doesn't make any sense to you, feel free to use it as a big paperweight.

Number 5: Plastic Kitty Litter Mats The seller boasts that these mats "contain hundreds of litter-collecting depressions that trap scattered litter."

After reading that description, I'm the one suffering from a litter-collecting depression.

Page down to see more of the ten weirdest new posts on Denver Craigslist. Number 4: Free Reclaimed Deck Wood The offer of free decking boards, some as long as eight feet, plus large trunk pieces from a former 35-foot Blue Spruce that went down at the beginning of January, comes complete with some mixed messages.

Yes, the boards have nails in them, but "they are 5 inches long and easy to spot." If you manage to miss one, though, "we are not responsible for any injury or damages you have while on our property." And be sure to make arrangements in advance, so they will have a chance to put the dogs away.

Other than that, relax. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Number 3: The Strangest Necklace I Ever Made What lifts this necklace onto our list is the artist's description: "It sort of makes me think of an elephant caressing a banana spider with his toes."

I can see it! Although I admittedly just ate a shitload of hallucinogenic mushrooms.

Page down to see more of the ten weirdest new posts on Denver Craigslist. Number 2: Nebulizer needed "I realize this is the most bizarre posting of the year," this person writes, "but I have a parrot who needs to be nebulized an antibiotic for a few weeks, so we need a nebulizer.

"Ironically, we just gave one away," the listing continues, "so we're wondering if anyone out there has one they don't use or that a child has outgrown the need for so we can properly treat our critter" -- and the earlier a deal is made, the sooner "we can start her medications."

In other words, the life of this parrot is in your hands.

Number one: Angry feminest art for sale "Hi there!" this artist declares. "Do you need some creepy feminist art in your home or office?! Have you been waiting for someone to create a tunnel of nails for...well...whatever one might use a tunnel of nails for?!"

Plenty of uses come to mind -- but most of them are even more likely to keep me up at night than that disturbing clown.

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More from our Lists & Weirdness archive: "Ten more weird movie references to Colorado."

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts