Barack Obama: "Hey, man, I've been waiting on a pseudo MySpace friendship for over two weeks now. I know I'm not as hot or as vapid as the Obama Girl, but come on: Accept the friendship, man. Every vote counts, Obama. Every vote counts. Except in Florida."
Even after these heartfelt entreaties, Biden and Edwards did not accept my friend requests. They are now dead to me. But finally, Obama took me on as a comrade, so I sent him the following as a thank-you: "I just wanted to say how excited I am that you're running for president. I think having a Muslim in office right now sends the exact right message to the rest of the world: America has changed; we're not the same country that you hate so much. But I really don't know all that much about the Muslim religion, so I just want to make sure you're not, like, extremist Muslim or anything. You know, like terrorist Muslim fundamentalists and stuff that you see on CNN. You've never been associated with any sects like that as a Muslim, have you? Anyway, probably a stupid question, but just wanted to check."
No response. Come on, Obama, I saw you on Conan once, and you were great! I thought you were supposed to have a sense of humor!
If these candidates have no clue as to the proper etiquette necessary to maintain healthy MySpace relationships, how can they hope to lead America into the future? I was despairing of ever finding a candidate I could get behind until, several days after his last message, Gravel posted a kick-ass comment on my page:
A vote for Gravel
Is a vote for the people
The man's got my vote. C'mon, he invented gravel.