Ask a Mexican

Special Colorado Edicin

Dear Mexican: Colorado boasts a large Mexican population and ski industry, yet so few Mexicans ski. Please explain.

Vail Vato

Dear Gabacho: Why should we? So ustedes can call us frostbacks?

Dear Mexican: Okay, so there's a shitload of you wabs in Denver now. And, yes, I know Colorado means "red" in Spanish. But was it always like this? Really, how much Mexican history can there possibly be in Denver that's not related to illegal immigration?

Tancredo in 2008!

Dear Gabacho: You must be one of those pendejos who moved from the Mexican's home town of Orange County to Highlands Ranch, ¿qué no? Sure, Denver is no Los Angeles or even Pueblo when it comes to Mexican history, but it makes up for a lack of famous moments and personalities with an inordinate amount of influence on Mexican history in the United States. Foremost among the highlights is Rodolfo "Corky" González, a former boxer whose poem "I Am Joaquín" remains gospel for all freshman Chicano college students. In addition to lending an urban bent to the Chicano movement, Gonzalez and his colleagues started Escuela Tlatelolco, one of the country's first Latino-themed private schools and proof of the libertarian streak inherent in all Mexicans. (His daughter Nita runs the school today.) Denver was also the site of 1969's First National Chicano Liberation Youth Conference, which gave the world El Plan Espiritual de Aztlán (the Spiritual Plan of Aztlán), a manifesto frequently misinterpreted by conservative gabachos as a clarion call for the Reconquista.

Denver cabrones: Please reclaim your history and tell gabachos that El Plan Espiritual is just a bad, dated poem and not a battle plan, por favor. The rest of us Mexicans in Aztlán will be forever grateful.

Now, mere moments after the Senate allowed an amnesty bill to collapse like the peso's value, ustedes bombarded the Mexican with typo-heavy valentines. To commemorate America's latest amnesic spell regarding its immigrants and assimilation (previous examples include the Chinese Exclusion Act, the Immigration Reform Act of 1924 and Jessica Alba), here are a couple of messages from the Know-Nothings in all their grammatically incorrect glory:

Hey beaner: Just how many indigenous people, non-mexican, (Inca) did the mexicans kill and claim their land before the mexicans said it was theirs? I suggest the people slaughtered were in the tens of thousands. Yes you are also killers as well as moochers. Yes, I know the americans took your land during some war. You are a whiner. We slaughtered your worthless ass inreturn for you slauthering someone else. Live with it. Die with it you scum.

Could you imagine an American in Mexico writing for a newspaper with a column called "ask an American?" He would probably be assasinated. Kiss the ground and thank God that you're an American!!

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Gustavo Arellano
Contact: Gustavo Arellano