Suspicions Confirmed

The freefall from grace of Pastor Ted Haggard (pictured) has generated loads o' interest in New Life, the Colorado Springs megachurch he founded. But leave it to the folks behind a Springs original dubbed the Toilet Paper to discover a theme song for the controversy.

At this point, there's no print version of the Toilet Paper; founder Noel Black is currently putting together a new alternative publication, Newspeak!. However, the Toilet Paper's always entertaining blog continues online under the Newspeak! banner, and a November 5 post, "Super Gay New Life Song!," must be heard to be believed.

The item features a sound clip for a song likely warbled by someone the Newspeak! folks identify as "fey-to-play pastor Rob Parsley"; no doubt they mean Ross Parsley, who is identified on a New Life site as New Life's "Worship Pastor." The lyrics of what's described as "this homorific little ditty" read:

Prepare the way Make straight the path for him And let the King of Glory enter in Let the King of Glory enter in...

Adds the Newspeak! scribe: "So much of New Life Culture is homoerotic schmaltz projected onto Jesus, who becomes the male object of desire. Swish, swish, swish!"

For Christ's sake... -- Michael Roberts

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts