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"What have the Democrats done to my brain?"

The DNC goodie bag: How good is it?

Channel 9 morning anchor Gary Shapiro is usually pretty upbeat about everything. So when he mentioned during a Monday broadcast that his DNC goodie bag wasn't all that, well, good, I was taken aback. After seeing mine, however, I realized he had a point.

Here's what the bag contains: The official 2008 Democratic National Convention Visitors Guide; a DNC media guide; a spiral notebook from Staples; one bottle and one mini-can of Joint Juice fitness drink; an AT&T "trivia challenge" (with attached bicycle pin), which asks questions such as "Where does AT&T rank among Fortune Magazine's 'Most Admired Telecommunications Companies' in America" (bet even Alex Trebek doesn't care about that); a bunch of fliers and ads that are all recyclable -- and lucky thing, since I'm sure most of them go straight into the round file; three pens; a water bottle that will be confiscated by anyone who tries to take it to Invesco Field at Mile High on Thursday night; a tie tack from the American Wind Energy Association (mine was broken); a key chain with a compass that doesn't work, either; lip balm; sanitizing gel; tissues; some Walgreens Ibuprofen; a "ringtone gift card"; a "Protecting America" emergency radio, encased in a cardboard holder complete with handy "catastrophe facts"; a "UFCW for Obama" button that would be collectible if anyone knew what the UFCW is (it's a food-workers union -- I looked it up); and two containers of mints, including one shaped like a UPS truck. Bitchin'!

Actually, there was one item I really liked: the black canvas sack all the other stuff came in. I'll be able to use it in lieu of a plastic grocery bag after the convention's over to save a few pennies at King Soopers. So there, Gary Shapiro. -- Michael Roberts

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