The Ten Worst Denver-Specific Halloween Costumes

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5. Adele Arakawa
What do you get when you don a pink pantsuit with really big shoulder pads? Yes, that’s right, it’s 9News’ own anchorwoman extraordinaire and Dorian Gray-wannabe Adele Arakawa. Well, either her or Hillary Clinton. Or '90s TV zeitgeist character Murphy Brown. Either way, avoid this outfit. 

4. Blucifer
It's tough to dress like public art (but if you're going to go this route, the bologna-tower over near the Pedestrian Bridge leading from downtown to Highland might be easier, if seriously unattractive). The easy part of this costume is the glowing red eyes and the blue-and-black hue. Harder is looking enough like a horse that you don’t instead resemble an evil genie or Dr. Manhattan with pants on. (Please put pants on.) Most difficult is unnecessarily frightening all first-time visitors to the Mile High City.

3. Pot-Infused Candy Bar
Edibles are pretty popular with both lovers of getting high and the legislators who want to control it all, and it’s a much better costume idea than a pot leaf or a giant walking doobie or the quintessential Northface-wearing, weekend-mountaineering, pot-smoking Coloradan. 

2. Almost Anyone on the Colorado Ballot This Year
Because whether you’re going as Michael Bennett, Daryl Glenn or any of your district's representatives, no one will know you’re even in costume, let alone who you’re supposed to be.

10. Brock Osweiler
All you need for this costume is $72 million and no game whatsoever.
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Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.
Contact: Teague Bohlen