Top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps

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Number 11: The Fighters showed them Foos

The Foo Fighters gave the Westboro Baptist nutters a helluva pre-show in 2011 in Kansas City, when the WBC decided it would be a fun time to protest a Foo concert. The band showed up at the pre-concert protest, in the back of a rig truck, dressed in homoerotic hillbilly garb and staged an impromptu performance of their pseudo-country song "Keep It Clean (Hot Buns)." Lyrics including "Driving all night, got a hankering for something/Think I'm in the mood for some hot-man muffins/Mmmm, sounds so fine, yes indeed" drowned out whatever hate-filled crap the Westboros were spewing, and Dave Grohl gave a speech during the song's interlude about gay being okay, ending with "God bless America!"

The WBC is now taking issue with Taylor Swift, since her music is so filthy, tawdry and filled with curse words, sex and violence. Not.

Number 10: The Sodomobile

Michael Moore versus the Westboro Baptist Church is such a sumptuous brain-feast of an idea that it should have been a pay-per-view match, and in 1999 Moore organized a homophobia protest for his old show The Awful Truth, inspired by the tragic murder of Matthew Shepard in 1998. He toured the country -- specifically states with antiquated anti-sodomy laws still on the books -- n a pink bus filled with raucous gay men and women named "The Sodomobile," and made a pit stop at the Westboro Baptist Church's compound. Moore introduced Fred Phelps to the Sodomobile, which sent Phelps scuttling back to the safety of his family funny farm -- quickly.

But for a guy who wears a cowboy hat and spends more time thinking about f*ggy stuff than most f*gs, it's possible that if there hadn't been cameras present, he might have hopped in the van and taken a ride.

Number 9: The Satanic Temple turns Fred Phelps's dead mother gay

You know those stories you read in your Facebook feed, figuring that they are from The Onion, then they turn out to be real -- and you are thrilled that they are? The friendly and magnanimous folks in the New York-based Satanic Temple took a road trip on Sunday, July 14 to a Mississippi cemetery, found Fred Phelps's mother's gravesite and held a "Pink Mass" ceremony to celebrate same-sex unions, and posthumously anointed Granny Phelps a homosexual.

Satanic Temple spokesperson Lucien Greaves officiated at the ceremony, while two same-sex couples celebrated their homosexuality at the gravesite -- some snogging was involved -- and Greaves stated, "The Satanic Temple now believes that Fred Phelps must believe that his mother is now gay, in the afterlife, due to our Pink Mass... And nobody can challenge our right to our beliefs."

Photos of the Pink Mass are publicly available on the new Satanic Temple-operated website,, and the Satanic Temple encourages other same-sex couples to post their own photos from similar road trips to the Mississippi cemetery.

Your move, WBC. Continue to keep counting down the top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps.
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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts