Sports

Top twelve Broncos fans you've probably met

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The Sunday Funday Fan Usually wearing a Von Miller jersey, the Sunday Funday Fan only knows the names of four or five players, but he sure knows how to party. In fact, this fan tailgates so hard every week that he either passes out or gets escorted to detox before halftime. The Curmudgeon It's impossible to know if the Curmudgeon is actually curmudgeonly, but he sure looks it with those giant AM/FM radio headphones over his ears. Typically coming in at sixty-plus, this grumpy character can't be bothered to listen to you, the stadium announcer or anyone else, because he's got the game, or local sports-talk jocks, tuned in at all times. Dressed in an orange satin jacket with the old-school logo, you'll find him at the stadium on game day and walking around the park at all other times.
The Superfan With an orange Mohawk or a fake helmet on his head, face paint, and a giant blue D scrawled across his bare chest, the Superfan took about three hours to get ready for the game. Custom-made orange sneakers? Check. Logo-adorned socks, watch, sunglasses and wallet? Check. When he's interviewed by the local media, the Superfan likes to mimic what players say, things like: "I'm a monster when I'm in the zone, but off the field, I'm really a nice, mellow, gentle guy." The Milfy Mom She's a soccer mom in the spring, but come fall, the Milfy Mom dons her pink Eric Decker jersey and starts screaming, embarrassing her children, her significant other and everyone else around her. Often seen hosting football-watching parties and at kid-friendly bars, the Milfy Mom has matching pink Broncos socks and cute little helmet stickers on her cheeks.
The Nattering Native This fan never lets you forget that he was born in Denver and has been watching the Broncos since the Morton-to-Moses connection — or the Dennis Smith days. He wears a Randy Gradishar or Steve Atwater jersey, signifying that he has been a fan since way before you even heard of the Broncos...or were even born, for that matter. He collected Broncos gear as a kid, but sold it at a garage sale in the early '80s and then bought a bunch of it back on eBay. The Nattering Native bemoans the loss of the South Stands at the old Mile High and won't acknowledge the "new logo." The Bandwagon Bro With his too-tight, too-thin Broncos T-shirt stretched over his biceps and a pair of skinny jeans below, the Bandwagon Bro is more interested in looking good than in rooting for the team. He'd wear the Broncos trucker hat that his girlfriend bought him, but it would mess up his hair. Bandwagon Bro washes that T-shirt in cold water and irons it.

More from our Lists & Weirdness archive: "Photos: Fifteen more memorable Stoner Bowl memes."


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Jonathan Shikes is a Denver native who writes about business and beer for Westword.
Contact: Jonathan Shikes