-Chuck Norris does not blow his candles out. He stares them down until they blow themselves out.
-On Chuck Norris's sweet sixteen, he made the DMV issue him a license to kill.
-Chuck Norris once tricked a trick candle, then roundhouse-kicked it in the face.
-His piñata is filled with human tears.
-When Chuck Norris was a baby, he was a grown adult.
-Chuck Norris does not pin the tail on the donkey. He pins the whole donkey.
-The amount of candles required for Chuck Norris's birthday cake would ignite the atmosphere, destroying every living thing except Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris gave birth to himself. Then he roundhouse-kicked biology in the face.
-Somebody once threw a surprise party for Chuck Norris. He surprised-attacked it with a roundhouse-kick to the face.
--Like pi, Chuck Norris's age is actually an infinite string of non-repeating digits. Chuck Norris knows all of them.