Kelly Oxford makes us want to be a cool mom

Yeah, yeah. We're a little late on the Kelly Oxford Twitter train -- so sue us. The Canadian stay-at-home mom and tweeting goddess has been working with CBS over the last year to produce a show about her life -- which, by all accounts, is funny. Even if you don't have kids or like kids, Oxford's ability to talk about the insane shit kids say makes us want to have kids. Sort of. Below we've highlighted some of her tweets, which range from insults directed at babies with fake tattoos and people who eat at McDonald's. Seriously. Its like when you see a kid with a rat tail: It's obvious that this fashion statement wasn't his choice, but his parents have decided to set him up for a life of total judgment. He will eventually grow into a full-fledged juggalo, and the rest will be gas-station-cashier career history. We don't have kids, so we tried this routine with our cats. They didn't buy it. They yelled, er, meowed until we rolled out of bed and cracked open a can of that fancy cat food that smells like dirty underwear. Sorry, too much information. We do this, too! Except we apply mascara and make sure there aren't any coffee stains on our yoga pants. You know, in case someone calls with a job prospect or a book deal or an invitation to lunch at a fast-casual restaurant where "dressy" means semi-clean black workout pants and a disheveled ponytail.

We also enjoy pretending we're dead, although it's for non-kid-related reasons. Follow @WestwordCulture right now!

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