Now that you know what you're getting at tonight's The Big Lebowski Quote-Along, we''re giving you a chance to polish your knowledge -- and pass twenty minutes or so of your boss's time on a Friday -- with this compilation of the best quotes from the film, presented in convenient video form. It's obviously NSFW, so put on the headphones, lest your co-workers be alarmed at all the shouting about fucking a stranger in the ass. Oh, and if it somehow isn't completely obvious, this is nothing but spoilers all the way.
See also: - Event: The Big Lebowski Quote-Along - First look: Alamo Drafthouse's limited-edition RoboCop poster - RiffTrax's Kevin Murphy on Birdemic and Mystery Science Theater 3000's legacy
The scene: The Lebowskis meet, and The Dude tries his damnedest to clarify that he's not really "Mr. Lebowski." The quote: "Let me explain something to you. I am not Mr. Lebowski. You are Mr. Lebowski. I'm The Dude, so that's what you call me. That, or his Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing."
The scene: The Dude and Walter confront a kid who they think has their money. Walter goes apeshit when the kid isn't too helpful. The quote: "This is what happens when you a fuck a stranger in the ass!" repeated several times, with great gusto.
The scene: Various -- this one is actually a compilation of scenes of Walter reminding Donny his input is not needed. The quote: "Shut the fuck up, Donny"
The scene: Jesus confronts our heroes and tells them he's going to beat them soundly in bowling competition. The Dude begs to differ. The quote: Jesus gets some good ones off here, but we're looking for The Dude's classic: "Well, yeah, that's just, like, your opinion, man."
The scene: Walter shows up to bowl late, with a tiny dog. Smokey may have crossed the line when he rolled, then Walter definitely crosses another sort of line. Everyone loves Walter flipping the fuck out on Smokey, but it can't hold a candle to Walter explaining the difference between taking a dog bowling, and simply taking a dog to a bowling alley. The quote: "What do you mean 'brought it bowling'? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude." (Excellent points all, Walter. But that's a Yorkshire Terrier, not a Pomeranian.)
The scene: The Dude's home is invaded by some ruffians looking for a different Mr. Lebowski and our hero is asked, in reference to his bowling ball, "What the fuck is this?", which gives him the chance to show off his deliciously dry wit. The quote: "Obviously, you're not a golfer."
The scene: The Dude is strong-armed into a car to explain what happened during the money/hostage exchange, and he reveals the essence of The Dudeness by what he shows concern for as he's muscled into the car. The quote:"Careful man, there's a beverage here!"
The scene: Walter and The Dude discuss the severed toe that's appeared in the kidnapping case. The Dude is a bit concerned, but Walter isn't about to let a toe ruffle his feathers. The quote: "You want a toe? I can get you a toe. Believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't want to know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon, with nail polish."
The scene: The schedule for the next league bowling game has gone up, and Walter has a religious conflict, as he explains to Donny. The quote: "I'm shomer Shabbos. Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!"
The scene: A group of nihilists confront our heroes. Donny is concerned, but Walter takes steps to reassure him. The quote: Donny: "Are these guys going to hurt us, Walter?" Walter: "No, Donny, these men are cowards."
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