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Best Gift for a Lobbyist

Official Loitering Pass

One evening early this legislative session, former state representative and current lobbyist Betty Neale was stopped at the State Capitol by a patrolman who thought she looked suspicious -- but, hey, she's a lobbyist! To save Neale (and its own bureaucratic self) from future embarrassments, the Colorado State Patrol subsequently issued Neale a tag that makes her status official: "The Honorable Betty Neale, former state representative, City and County of Denver -- Official Loitering Pass."

Best Gift for a Lobbyist

Official Loitering Pass

One evening early this legislative session, former state representative and current lobbyist Betty Neale was stopped at the State Capitol by a patrolman who thought she looked suspicious -- but, hey, she's a lobbyist! To save Neale (and its own bureaucratic self) from future embarrassments, the Colorado State Patrol subsequently issued Neale a tag that makes her status official: "The Honorable Betty Neale, former state representative, City and County of Denver -- Official Loitering Pass."

Best Memo

Written by Larry Burrough
Denver Post

In October, the Denver Post was struck by a flood of gaffes -- and in an effort to stem the flow, staffers assembled to discuss the problem. After that meeting, managing editor for news Larry Burrough thanked attendees for their contributions to the session with an e-mail. The rub? The memo itself contained several errors, including the sentence, "It is notably that most of the mistakes were avoidable, that is to say that many of the mistake were about information we've written about before." Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Best Memo

Written by Larry Burrough
Denver Post

In October, the Denver Post was struck by a flood of gaffes -- and in an effort to stem the flow, staffers assembled to discuss the problem. After that meeting, managing editor for news Larry Burrough thanked attendees for their contributions to the session with an e-mail. The rub? The memo itself contained several errors, including the sentence, "It is notably that most of the mistakes were avoidable, that is to say that many of the mistake were about information we've written about before." Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Best Insult of the Rocky Mountain News in the Denver Post

Written by Chuck Green

In a September 18 column, Chuck Green, who's done more crowing about the Post's JOA victory than anyone this side of Dean Singleton, wrote that he'd never considered switching to the Rocky Mountain News during his time in newspapering for a simple reason: "Why work for a bunch of liars and thieves when you can fight on the side of goodness and virtue -- and come out the winner, too?"

Best Development to Come Out of the News-Post Joint Operating Agreement

Comics

Quit the funny business! The newspaper war's over, and the terms of the settlement make readers the undisputed victors in one area: comics. Come April, the Denver Post will boast the largest Sunday comics section in the country, since it's adding the Rocky Mountain News's former lineup to its own on that day. (The News will return the favor by running the Post's comics on Saturday -- but those aren't the big, four-color Sunday funnies.) You might not give a hoot about Willy 'n' Ethel, much less that fusspot Nancy. But for many readers, comic strips are the most important part of their Sunday paper -- and they complain long and hard whenever the dailies fool around with them. Now, though, it won't be a matter of one paper stealing Garfield from the other -- they'll share weekend custody of the curmudgeonly cat. But since the Post won the right to print the town's only Sunday rag, that's where you'll find the lollapalooza of laughs -- everything from A (Annie, Little Orphan) to Z (Zippy the Pinhead). It's double the pleasure, double the funnies.

Best Cheap Way to Pass an Inclement Day

Denver Pavilions 15

Ne'er-do-wells in the know hurry over to the Denver Pavilions whenever the weather looks bad; by the time the Denver Pavilions 15 opens for its first matinees, drunks, bums and other homeless types are ready to buy their tickets. But just one ticket each, mind you. Since the management never really checks to make sure customers leave the theater after the movie they paid for to watch is over, many a vagrant passes the day enjoying a dozen of the latest first-run selections. But free films aren't just for shiftless hobos anymore, so join the lineup at 11:30 a.m.

Best Cheap Way to Pass an Inclement Day

Denver Pavilions 15

Ne'er-do-wells in the know hurry over to the Denver Pavilions whenever the weather looks bad; by the time the Denver Pavilions 15 opens for its first matinees, drunks, bums and other homeless types are ready to buy their tickets. But just one ticket each, mind you. Since the management never really checks to make sure customers leave the theater after the movie they paid for to watch is over, many a vagrant passes the day enjoying a dozen of the latest first-run selections. But free films aren't just for shiftless hobos anymore, so join the lineup at 11:30 a.m.

Best Place for a Working-Class Girl to Find an Old Rich Guy

Ruth's Chris Steak House

Rich men like steaks, butter and martinis, which is why ambitious girls looking to strike gold should head to Ruth's Chris Steak House. The challenge is to be sexy but not trashy, so add a string of pearls or a tasteful scarf to your tightest skirt, tallest heels and teeniest top. Slide up to the bar and act innocent -- like you were waiting to meet your sorority sister and got stood up -- and don't forget to bat your eyelashes. If you can avoid the temptation to chow down on the high-calorie grub, you may find yourself walking down the aisle. Or at least being chatted up by the valets.

Best Place for a Working-Class Girl to Find an Old Rich Guy

Ruth's Chris Steak House

Rich men like steaks, butter and martinis, which is why ambitious girls looking to strike gold should head to Ruth's Chris Steak House. The challenge is to be sexy but not trashy, so add a string of pearls or a tasteful scarf to your tightest skirt, tallest heels and teeniest top. Slide up to the bar and act innocent -- like you were waiting to meet your sorority sister and got stood up -- and don't forget to bat your eyelashes. If you can avoid the temptation to chow down on the high-calorie grub, you may find yourself walking down the aisle. Or at least being chatted up by the valets.

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