Adventures in Censorship: How to call Jay Cutler a "pussy" without pissing off your readers

Funny story out Chicago yesterday -- especially if, like most Broncos fans, you desperately want Jay Cutler to wind up working as a bouncer at the one strip club of Santa Claus, Indiana. The story went like this: Vikings receiver Bobby Wade went on a podcast in Minnesota, and was asked about whether he'd heard anything from his old Bears teammates about Cutler. Wade -- who either doesn't understand how the Internet works or really understands how the Internet works -- didn't go all athlete-sound-bite on the host, but instead ripped off a Made-for-Sports-Bloggers Money Quote:

"Pretty much [Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher] said Jay Cutler was a pussy for the most part."

Combining the two things young sports nuts can't get enough of -- and one thing most of them don't get very much of -- the comment sent the Internet's loins a fluttering, hitting every outlet in the land. Then came the amusing part: Watching how various news outlets handled the word "pussy." A sampling:

Chicago Tribune: "Pretty much [Urlacher] said Jay Cutler was a [bleep] for the most part."

Boston Herald: "Pretty much (Urlacher) said Jay Cutler was a (wimp) for the most part."

Chicago Sun-Times: "Pretty much [Urlacher] said Jay Cutler was a [deleted] for the most part.''

CBSSports.com: "Pretty much [Urlacher] said Jay Cutler was a [redacted] for the most part."

Chicago Bears Message Board: "Pretty much [Urlacher] said Jay Cutler was a [not a very nice word] for the most part."

Twincities.com: "Pretty much (Urlacher) said Jay Cutler was a (offensive word) for the most part."

Deadspin was one of the few outlets to actually use the word, which was really surprising. I thought for sure they'd come up with a more offensive replacement, maybe THROW IT IN ALL CAPS FOR EFFECTS.

But my favorite parenthetical adventure came courtesy of our own Denver Daily News, which ... well, just read for yourself:

"Pretty much Urlacher said Jay Cutler was a [cat] for the most part."

Yes. A cat. I'm sure that's what Wade meant.

Honestly, I think all of these papers are a bunch of [potty-mouth words]. Contrary to their apparent belief, their readers aren't a bunch of [bleepity bleeps]. But the Daily News are the biggest [sissy monsters] of them all. [Bleeping] [kitties].