Marijuana Strain Review: REM at The Health Center Uptown

Ever get off work right at rush hour, take one look at the jammed roads, say “Nope, not today,” and then head for the bar rather than home?

That’s how I was feeling last week when I saw that two lanes on Broadway were shut at 4 p.m. Already sick of listening to the local radio douche who co-hosts the afternoon drive show on 104.3, I decided to skip the bar and instead get high at a friend’s house — after first making my way to the Health Center Uptown, at 1736 Downing Street.

THC Uptown sits in a converted house by the Park Avenue/East 17th Avenue/Downing Street intersection. With such a maze of medians and one-way streets around it, I should’ve known that the parking was in back before I flipped a bitch (rookie mistake), but at least I wasn’t on I-70.

Uptown’s gram selection was a little sparse, but my budtender, who looked like she’d just stepped off a Jefferson Starship, shared how each strain made her feel. According to my flower child/expert, Sour Alien and Sugar Cookies had tiring after-effects, so I went with the stronger sativa, REM, for $12.12 after tax and then drove to my buddy Wiggle’s place a few blocks south.

Sometimes I’ll bring in outside help for my review, just so I can compare notes with another set of eyes and taste buds. Wiggle does not fall into that category, however. After asking how he liked the smell (“It’s good”), the taste (“It’s good”) and the burn (“It’s good”), I patted him on the back and decided to see for myself with a personal joint.

Wiggle wasn’t wrong: The REM was good — very good. Although the pebble buds that made up my gram had a dense, rocky look, as if they’d been smushed for a while, the trichomes were stellar: Dewdrops of THC covered each forest-green nug, reminding me of adolescent camping trips in northern Arizona as I inhaled pungent, floral whiffs of citrus and soil, similar to those you get from Golden Goat.

REM is a child of Blue Dream and White Nightmare, and the Health Center’s version tasted like an earthier incarnation of its Blue Dream relative, releasing sweet diesel flavors after a few pulls before I lit up.
Smoking it was a bit different, though, with buttery, syrupy notes taking over my tongue like a stack of flapjacks. Despite the warehouse look of the buds, the smoke was extremely smooth (another accurate assessment by Wiggle) and got me the perfect amount of high. I was able to sober up after a few hours of Madden with no comedown, and I drove home with zero worry.

THC Uptown’s REM was the perfect alternative to listening to Peyton Manning retirement talk while stuck in traffic. Providing stress relief and euphoria without anxiety or sleepiness, it gave me that sativa high so many of us are looking for but rarely find.

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