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4/20 Special: Ten foods you would only eat while high

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10. Funyuns: If you were to cut a slice of onion and leave it on your kitchen counter for three weeks, it would probably turn into Funyuns. They're chalky, excessively salty and taste like old onions. What's not to like...besides everything? But if that bag of Funyons is the only thing in the cupboard and the corner store is, like, three long blocks away and you're freaked out by the way the cashier looks at you, they'll do. 9. Cake, hold the cake: At this point, you're so messed up that you can't even say "Type 2 Diabetes," and you sure as hell don't have the motor skills or patience to bake a whole cake. Why not just whip up a simple batch of this sugar storm? If you smoke another bowl, you can probably feel the cavities forming. Actually, the true stoner way would be to just grab a can of frosting, spoon optional. 8. Tomato Soup . . . made with ketchup and water: Better known as "the broke ski bum special." This free cup of disgusting can be perked up with some salt, pepper and, if you're lucky, crackers. The quasi-soup is pretty much a last resort -- so if it starts looking good to you, we want the number of your dealer. 7. Larvets: According to the packaging, Larvets are the "Original Worm Snax," not to be confused with all the other crunchy meal worm snacks with their boring, conventional spelling. Because when you are so stoned that you crave Mexican Spice-flavored worms, you want worms with edge and attitude, worms that don't have time for "cks" when a bad-ass "x" will do. 6. CornNuts: Hard enough to crack a perfectly healthy tooth in half and available in an array of questionable flavors, these fall into the "I need something to chew on" category. Quadruple your enjoyment by listening to this tragically funny and short-lived "Bust a nut!" radio campaign while snacking; the catchy tune will have you singing "You can do it at school, just don't get caught. Bust a nut!" all day long.
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Kyle Garratt
Contact: Kyle Garratt