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Technology put a man on the moon. It's allowed us to see distant stars, to unravel the mysteries of the universe and to get free porn at any hour of day or night. And now, to those lofty achievements, we can add one even loftier: energy jerky.
That's right, it's the beef jerky you know and love, now with added kick courtesy of some mysterious technological process that involves guarana and, we assume, some kind of mad-science laboratory full of bubbling beakers and Tesla coils. The result is a (presumably) tasty beef snack with a whopping 150 mg of caffeine in every two-ounce package, which puts it in the top range for a cup of coffee, or roughly two cans of Red Bull. The geniuses who came up with this are a Denver company who go by the name of Performance Enhancing Meat Snacks Company, which has to be one of the best company names ever conceived. And until someone figures out a way to create bacocaine (you know, bacon with cocaine built in), it's undoubtedly in possession of the best meat/drug combo available to man.
You can find this awesome substance at www.perkyjerky.com for $4.99 a package. We may never get the food pills and nutrient capsules we were promised for years in bad science fiction, but once again reality has brought us something even better: Still waiting for my jet pack, though.
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.
