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Fast food stunts a fast way to a heart attack

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Man V. Food guy, no shot; the fat baldie who eats it all, nada. Anthony Bourdain? No way -- although Paula Deen might have a chance. What is it that these culinary whizzes won't dare do? They wouldn't go near these creations cooked up by lunatics.

For example, the blog Top Cultured has come up with the "Double Breakfast EggMcBig Mac." Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like: all those breakfast items mashed up between two toasted English muffins. We're talking greased-up hash browns that have been sitting like an egg coming to term under the heatlamps, pressed preformed bacon, ham from a "pig," and cheese that may or may not have come from a dairy cow. About the only thing that's real about this sandwich -- not including all the saturated fat -- are the eggs, although McDonald's is a little cagey on that subject, too.

Our sister paper back east, the Village Voice, also did an experiment in clogging the heart valves, taking it to the extreme by combining pieces of the Big Mac, Whopper and a Wendy's Half Pound Double with Cheese. Wow, the only thing better that that sandwich would be.,. nothing! Anytime you can get all three fast-food joints under the roof of one bun, that's a guaranteed fun time. Walk into the office, and when the ladies ask what the hubbub is about, you show them your Manwich.

Of course after you've eaten the "Frankenburger," your heart will be racing faster than when Lucy from accounting accepted your invitation to go see the midnight showing of 9 ½ Weeks.

Sam Kinison would be proud.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.