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Five New Mostly Feel-Good Foods and Drinks

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The latest cavalcade of freshly-introduced eats and sips makes for some enthusiastic observations and happy feels — minus the usual run of disgusting oddities. Some of hottest of the hot trends are a crazy-neat-o blooming flower dessert at Ipsylon Restaurant & Bar in Portugal, a simple and clever chocolate Easter bunny wine hack, a must-have-it-now PancakeBot invention being funded through Kickstarter that makes griddle cakes even more awesome, and of course the foodie zen vid-clip of the week: a tiny fried-chicken being made in a tiny kitchen. So yes, this last week has been a happy one for foodies, barring a single new item on the market that could kill some happy thoughts dead on sight.

Here’s are five more mostly happy new food and drinks. Get ready for Mountain-Dewing the craft thing, Sriracha being great as always, Trader Joe’s doing what we all want, and drunk idiots getting an easier time of it.
5) The cake batter martini.
Happy hour was magically transformed into Really. Fucking. Happy. hour this week when the Tipsy Bartender D.I.Y. video clip of the cake batter martini made the rounds on the Facebook. Brushing aside all the expense and hassle of having to go buy like five bottles of specialty liquor you will never use again in any other drink (case-in-point: cake-flavored vodka) the drink recipe involves frosting a martini glass rim and bedazzling it with multi-colored sprinkles, mixing Godiva white chocolate liqueur into more sugary booze, and producing a beautiful sweet martini cocktail that cannot help but make you giggle like a drunken child.

Children should not get drunk, but adults should have at least one of these unicorn cocktails to take the edge off the mundane world of paying the mortgage, attempting to hold down a job —  and affording dental insurance premiums after a couple of these teeth-rotters.
4) Bite-sized Speculoos cookie butter cheesecakes.
‘Member how Trader Joe’s gave us cookie butter, then cookie butter cheesecake? Well, our besties over at TJ’s just won an all-expenses paid prom date with the entirety of America with its new, signature Speculoos Cookie Butter Cheesecake Bites. Yup-yup, we no longer have to cut up our own cheesecake, or make our own, or even have to have an unhappy thought about any of this because for under $5 for twelve cheesecake bites, we have to do absolutely nothing but turn on the cartoons and open a box.

Trader Joe’s? It’s us again, America! Thank you for the cheesecake bites, and next we would like frozen Speculoos Cookie Butter Cheesecake on a stick. 
3) Deep-fried Sriracha bites.
It’s been said that the Sriracha craze is getting quite stale, but just when we all were ready to move past the cock sauce trend, a blogger named Amy from OhBiteIt re-ignited our flagging interest by concocting something amazing, something that we can't understand why it didn't exist before: deep-fried Sriracha bites. They are basically Fry-Daddied cornbread nuggets infused with the again-coveted red chile sauce, but since you really can’t put a price tag on trend necromancy, expect to see these end up on a few restaurant menus.

Perhaps deep-fried Sriracha rice crispies treats or fried Sriracha cronuts will be around next week.
2) Mountain Dew DewShine.
Mountain Dew has done a lot of things over the years, like getting kids through junior high, getting stoners through high school and giving college students something to mix with cheap vodka. But rolling out a craft version of the neon-light-greeny-yellow pop? Now Pepsi is getting the smarts real good, because Millennials just adore crafted anything. They and their disposable incomes can make or break products, and the hip-stah kiddos have stupid amounts of marketing power in their vintage-jeweled fingers.

The new DewShine, complete with cane sugar — NOT high-fructose corn syrup — a frosty-white color and beery long necked bottles is sure to be the perfect drink to guzzle alongside cramming in fistfuls of artisanal ostrich jerky.
1) Powdered alcohol.
Palcohol or powdered alcohol has been looming on the horizon for a while now, with its federal legal status in limbo for the past year. But now the add-water-and-shake booze mix has been officially approved for sale by the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, which means it will be hitting shelves soon — except in the states that have decided that powdered alcohol is a really bad idea. So is Palcohol a really bad idea?


The pouches of rum, vodka, cosmopolitan and “powderita” (margarita-flavored, and there are rumors of a lemon drop flavor coming) will each contain about the same amount of alcohol as a single cocktail (prices T.B.A.). The endless possibilities for abuse of this drunk powder may be the parade-rainer in an otherwise fine week of tastes and beverages. The real here is that there is nothing to stop idiots from spiking drinks with it, downing multiple packs at a time, or snorting the stuff.

Palcohol is probably a bad idea, unless you are the idiot who needs something to cut your meth with.

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